Let's start a riot up in this bitch!

DISCLAIMER: I wrote half of this post a week or three ago and never finished it.)

Okay. It's been awhile since my last post. I could get into why I haven't been on-the-ball here the last couple of weeks, but who the fuck wants to read that shit?! Anyway, I felt inspired today by fucking Ferguson, and how the shit has gone down in that city... again. Well, that's what I've read anyway. If you wake anytime after 8am the major networks have forgone butt-fucking Ferguson in lieu of Thanksgiving talk and encouraging you to buy more shit. Black Friday, which is the day our country gets together collectively and butt-fucks each other all in the name of slightly cheaper than normal prices on shit they don't need, dominates the news cycle today. I have seen more posts on my goddamn facebook feed this morning regarding Ferguson than I have on the major networks. Apparently it's not worth talking about after 8am. Keep tabs on the number of "fucks" I put in this post.

What I've also seen on my facebook feed over the last 12 hours are people speaking out about Ferguson. Each post begins in a similar manner. The person starts off with a disclaimer saying something like, "I don't get political very much on facebook, but blah blah blah." Now despite the similarities in how they begin, the opinions and comments vary. They are, however, all predictable when considering the source. The cop friend is quick to defend the rule of law and to lay no fault at the hands of the officer. Another friend proclaims that justice wasn't done because another black child killer goes free. Finally the strong republican predictably makes it about Obama, pointing to his speech the night of the decision where he began by saying, "We are a nation of laws..." followed by claiming Obama is making his own laws through executive action. So now, like all of these assholes, I'll share my opinion. The main difference is I'll spare everyone's facebook feeds. I'll do this despite the clear evidence to support that people's opinions change based off what they read on fucking facebook. I'm fully aware that sarcasm rarely translates into the written word.

Obviously Ferguson is a complicated issue that I'm certain I won't do justice. At the same time, I won't ignore certain obvious issues that some people are very quick to ignore. There is a strong disconnect between a large portion of the African American community and the police. I was thinking of posting portions of some of the arguments posed on facebook and rebutting them here, but considering this post is a bit late to the party on the subject I'll omit that portion. In addition, much smarter and more educated people than myself have made some excellent points regarding the issue. I suppose it's fitting that I never posted this because the grand jury's ruling against the officer who killed Eric Garner has recently added a new dimension to the issue.

Now I'll sum up the situation for anyone who is unfamiliar, (especially because my traffic indicates I might have a few readers outside of the United States). So to begin, a few months ago a police officer killed a particularly large black man, (he's often referred to as a "teen" because he was 18 years old; this is done for dramatic effect, but he was legally considered an adult), who was unarmed. There were several witnesses and initially the word on the street was he was shot while surrendering to the officer, including the man sustaining one gunshot wound to the hand. There were immediate riots/protests in Ferguson, despite very few verified facts actually circulating at the time. For more background, Ferguson is located in the southern United States where issues of racism are still very much alive. Well, the issues are alive everywhere, but more-so in the southern United States. In the following weeks and months we heard conflicting and changing stories about what had happened between the officer and Michael Brown. The coroner's report came out and found that Michael Brown's injuries/gunshot wounds were not consistent with a person simply surrendering and being shot at a distance. Eyewitness testimony reports also changed and many of them did end up reporting some kid of struggle. The officer also sustained a few minor injuries that initially were not reported. The main thing to take away here is a white officer killed an African American man, and there was an amount of ambiguity surrounding the incident. Also take away that this officer was not indicted by the grand jury. This decision sparked many more protests.

The second highly reported, (yet not quite as high as what happened in Ferguson), and controversial death was in New York City where a black man named Eric Garner was accidentally killed by a police officer. Eric Garner was selling cigarettes illegally on the street, and while several officers were attempting to arrest him, an officer employed a choke-hold on Garner. Eric Garner's death, according the the coroner, was a result of "compression of the throat and chest." In other words, he was killed by the choke hold. Now Eric Garner was a very large man. He wasn't exactly submitting to the officers, but he certainly wasn't presenting himself as a threat or reacting to the five officers with any sort of violence. How do I know this you ask? I know this because unlike the Ferguson situation, the entire incident in New York was captured on cell phone video, and not at a distance either. The guy shooting it had a front row seat to the incident. We were immediately informed once this story broke about how choke holds are against the policy of New York police departments. So Eric Garner was accidentally killed by a police officer who was breaking the rules, and we have definitive video proof of the incident. Oh, and the grand jury decided to not indict this officer either.

Jon Stewart on "The Daily Show", (a comedy news show which often has more substance than our official news programs), put it best when explaining the situation. To paraphrase, Stewart said that the main difference between these two incidents is the Eric Garner case has none of the ambiguities that the Michael Brown case. We have video proof of the Garner incident, unlike with Michael Brown. It's very possible and likely that Michael Brown was killed because the officer was in fear for his life. Unfortunately for Brown, that's a bit subjective and difficult to scrutinize. Due to eyewitness testimony conflicting with the scientific evidence in the case, the grand jury decided not to indict that officer. It's not difficult to see why when you consider the main reason to indict someone is if there is sufficient evidence to suggest a trial would result in conviction. So either the evidence isn't really there, or this is another example of African American inequality in this country. Many people argue that a trial should have determined the guilt of the officer and the grand jury should have indicted the officer so this could take place. I could be wrong, but it's not the job of the grand jury to make that kind of determination. Grand Juries indict people when they feel a conviction is possible, not simply because one person killed another. Then again, I'm an idiot without a law degree.

Now if a lack of cold, hard evidence was the main factor in the grand jury's decision in the Michael Brown case, then the grand jury should have indicted the fuck out of the officer in the Eric Garner case. The officer here killed this man, and  it was a result of the officer not following the rules. Where Michael Brown's death may not have been preventible, Garner's certainly was. I am not saying, however, that the officer in the Garner case was doing anything out of the ordinary. Almost every job has situations where an employee might have to do something questionable to get the job done. We live in an age where people are expected to do get the job done, often at all costs. No excuses. Some jobs, like those of police officers, are subject to this far more than other jobs. I think it's difficult to tell an officer that a certain procedure shouldn't be used in a fight for their life. In addition, if choke holds, (despite being against policy), help prevent putting an officer's life at risk it is understandable how one might employ this practice. Unfortunately, the officer here has a lack of these excuses. Even if he would argue that he's done this a thousand times in the past, and that he believed if he had not done this that his or other officer's lives would have been at risk, he still should have been indicted. Conducting "business as usual" resulted in a completely unnecessary death. This man was needlessly and accidentally killed by an unnecessary choke hold and there was most-likely sufficient evidence to indict, and probably convict, on a charge of manslaughter.

So now we're seeing protests all over the country. People are protesting against police violence, particularly white officers on black citizens. Many people are in denial, (mainly white people), that any sort of profiling exists. The jail statistics prove otherwise. We incarcerate a significant number of black people in this country. This number is completely out of proportion to population breakdowns. Some people say that black people are committing more crimes when compared to whites. We call these people racist, and ignorant of the facts regarding a lot of these cases. That's not to say this issue isn't complicated, but it's not that complicated. Black people are stopped and/or arrested for benign behavior in this country far more than whites. We have video evidence of this, and that evidence is often infuriating.


I'm not sure where to end this post. Like many subjects I choose to write about, I could go on and on. Many of these subjects deserve much more than I give them here, but none of us are in this for a blog-style novel.
TL;DR: Kanye West should have replaced "George Bush" with "Police" when talking about who really doesn't care about black people.
STL;DR: This post may not have flowed very well, and for that I apolo-fuck OFF!
IHTASOAN; DR: Penis Penis Penis, Vagina Vagina. Hope that makes up for the lack of those words above.

please help make the internet a biased sonofabitch

The President recently broke the internet when he posted a video asking the FCC to keep the internet neutral. We made an argument for the internet being classified as a utility, like your gas or electric. Apparently, this topic is one of the least understood on the internet and certain people have come out against it because, you know, fucking democrats.


For those of you who don't understand Net Neutrality, I'll try and put it in terms I would understand. I say terms that "I" would understand because I often need things explained in a more simpler way than the average person. I can be a dumb-ass like that sometimes. Anyway, the best way I can explain Net Neutrality is to say that it is currently how our internet is at this very moment in Novmeber of 2014. Everything you find on the internet is considered the same. This means that whether you are visiting a tiny blog like this one with zero traffic, or a site like Netflix who uses 80% of the current bandwidth, you can access both sites equally. This is the way the internet should be, but internet service providers, (ISPs), want to change this because, you know, fucking money.

IPSs have been trying to restrict access in a variety of ways for quite awhile now. It you remember over a year ago, sites like Google and Wikipedia went dark in protest of SOPA, which was a push by big companies to stop "copyright infringement", or so they claimed. It was really a push for some large companies to monetize every nook and cranny of the internet. If the SOPA or PIPA bills had passed, you could have been sued for that video you posted online of your cute toddler puking to the beat of a Taylor Swift song playing on the radio that you recorded with you cell phone. That was a mouthful. But yes, if any piece of copyrighted media was posted in any form on the internet, under SOPA or PIPA, you could have been issued a "cease and desist" order and/or fined. Good thing the bill didn't pass, but it wasn't for lack of trying in Congress.

Now, ISPs are attacking the internet in another way. To make matters worse, the FCC is headed by a former cable company man. It was very likely that he was going to allow these cable companys/ISPs to charge more money to sites that use more bandwidth. Is this all confusing yet? That'd be like the electric company charging more to use certain outlets in your house simply because you use them more than other outlets. The electric outlets in your living room are more expensive because you use them more. The other argument is that huge websites like Netflix could afford to pay more money for the higher speed/traffic lanes, while small companies couldn't afford to pay. The smaller sites would fail before they get off the ground. Of course this also means that bigger companies could pass a lot of that cost onto consumers. ISPs would charge consumers more for the faster lanes as well. So we all get screwed while the ISPs "make it rain" on themselves. Once the President came out in support of Net Neutrality, the dance of the jackasses began, starting with Ted Cruz. That guy is definitely one of the larger horses-asses in Congress right now. He's an idiot who represents a bunch of assholes, or so it seems. He likened the President's position to Obamacare because, you know, douche-baggery.
Ted Cruz made the claim that the support for Net Neutrality was the equivalent of big government injecting itself into the internet. He regurgitated the talking points of ISPs by saying it would "stifle innovation" and progress in the field. Of course this ignores how painfully slow the internet speeds in this country are compared to the rest of the developed world. We pay the most for our internet, and it is the slowest. Way to go America! Adding insult to injury are the various articles and blogs I've seen that agree with Ted Cruz's position. I've seen articles where idiots claim that Obama is in the pocket of the ISPs, and that's why he wants the internet classified as a utility. Are you fucking kidding me? These people either didn't watch the video Obama put out, or maybe they're not unlike me and often need things explained to them like a five-year-old. I'm not certain. What I can be sure of is what sets us clearly apart. If I don't fully understand an idea or concept, I do my goddamn homework. I actually have a strong desire to hear both sides from credible sources, (Ted Cruz does not count as credible, ever ever ever ever). Sometimes on polarized subjects I may take one position, then end up changing it after hearing another opinion I was previously unfamiliar with. That's what should happen when presented with facts and educated opinions. This is not one of those situations. Net Neutrality is a pretty objective thing.

At any rate, this put a lot more pressure on the chairman of the FCC. I'm not sure why Obama appointed Tom Wheeler as chairman in the first place as it seems like he has glaring conflicts of interest. As John Oliver's show put it, that's like hiring a child-eating dingo as your babysitter. Perhaps he wasn't paying attention when he made the appointment, though that explanation almost makes the situation worse. One sliver of hope I've witnessed on social media, has been in the comments sections on facebook. I realize that sentence makes no sense when you consider that comments sections usually play host to disgusting opinions from many horrible human begins, but I witnessed it none-the-less. I saw many people claim to identify as republican, but agree that the President is getting this right. The ratios of comments that are pro Net Neutrality vs. those against it are in decent favor of Obama's position. Of course I have seen some of that ratio erode as the story gained speed, but overall it seemed like a pretty solid lead. Let's hope it stays that way because, you know, testicles.

TL;DR: If you are against Net Neutrality, go jump off a bridge and improve the human race. I realize that's a bit of an extreme position.

STL;DR: I completely made up that bit about Netflix. I have no idea if they use 80% of the internet's bandwidth. I just know they use an insane amount.

IHTASOAN;DR: I guess I'll move the 60" flat screen to the guest bedroom, because, you know, cheaper electric and a locking door to watch 60" closeups of vaginas.

boobs, Texas textbooks, and completely appropriate pictures of Jesus

If Jesus was alive today, does anyone think he’d get caught in a dick pic scandal? I’d like to think he would. I’m not saying I’d want him to suffer through some greater indignity. I wouldn’t want him to suffer just for the sake of suffering. I just think, why not? That would make one hell of a headline you have to admit. The son of god’s cell phone was hijacked and the dick pics he claims to have taken in a moment of weakness were leaked. Maybe he’d claim he was taking them for his doctor. He was so busy on his book tour and didn’t have time to get an oddly shaped mole on his penis checked out. What was the title of his book you ask? “Jesus, the second Cumming.” Are all two readers offended yet?

I don’t really care either way. I actually just wanted to make any of the religious readers uncomfortable for a moment. Which statistically speaking, would be most of my readers. I’m not sure why that kind of humor is appealing to me. I guess I’m just a pretty big fan of humor that pushes a person’s comfort zone. If you’re offended by anything related to everyday life, you have an especially large target on your back. If you were outraged by Janet Jackson’s wardrobe malfunction, I think you should have to live out the rest of your days surrounding by gratuitous boobs. An alarm clock shaped like a pair of breasts should wake you up every morning. Every doorknob in your house should be molded after a different pornstar’s tit. Your morning coffee should dribble out of an erect nipple. You should have to endure all of this simply because you were offended by a piece of anatomy. What the hell started me on this topic? Well, there’s this:



It comes from a site I stumbled across that puts Jesus into a slew of everyday situations. LINK. I have no idea where I found the page. I often open things like this in a new tab where they sit for a week or more. Until this blog came along, I wouldn’t know what to do with posts like this. Part of me would want to link to them on facebook, but I usually think a bit better than to do that. Not because I don’t want to, but rather because it might be a bit more trouble than it’s worth. I mean, pretty much every person that knows me decently, knows how not religious I am. Though most people don’t know exactly how not religious I am, I don’t feel the need to broadcast it, (unless I’m asked directly of course). I get plenty of religious propaganda shoved in my face daily. The natural instinct would be to respond in-kind, but at this point in my life it’s not really worth it. Perhaps someday I’ll become some big activist, but until then I’ll be content to offend a handful of people in a blog that nobody reads. How’s that for ambition!

Oh yea, and there’s also this:



Google was fined $2000 for this photo taken by one of their street view cars in Canada. They were fined because the woman claimed she was caused a significant amount of embarrassment and emotional harm by the photo. Why you ask? Well obviously because you can see a decent amount of her cleavage. Never mind the fact she was sitting in full view of the public. Why a judge would agree to award someone like this compensation is beyond me. It completely flies in the face of all logic. Her cleavage has now been seen by a ridiculously large number of people because of the lawsuit. She’s caused herself way more emotional harm by filing the suit. Before she filed, maybe a few dozen people might have seen it. Time for some doorknob titties! KINK.

So the final topic I’ll write about and probably give the least amount of commentary on are school textbooks. PINK. The story is specifically about Texas school textbooks because Texas has a ridiculous amount of influence on what textbook manufacturers include in those books. Texas and California purchase so many textbooks in fact, that manufacturers will add or remove historically accurate items in lieu of whatever bullshit those state school boards want. Those school boards are typically staffed by very strong-minded creationists, (particularly in Texas), and they believe that public schools need more religion. Not any religion of course, because fuck Muslims, Jews, or any other religion that isn’t Christianity. If there’s anything that annoys me more than sticking your religious cock where is doesn’t belong, it’s cock-blocking all other religions in a country that prides itself on religious freedom.

Anyway, the story I linked to touches mainly on the controversy of how climate change is being reported in those textbooks. There are plenty of longstanding issues with how evolution is discussed in those books, among many other things. I highly recommend a documentary called The Revisionaries. It dives into the issue much more than I ever could.


The movie would make a great comedy, if it wasn’t real. “Somebody’s got to stand up to these experts!”

TL;DR: Was this post too offensive? Message me boob shots for “Yes”, dick pics for “No.”

STL;DR: Jesus would approve of this blog. He told me so.

IHTASOAN; DR: Perhaps I’ll tackle a more tame subject in the next post, like white people using the “N” word.

my milkshake brings all the conspiracy theorists to the yard

"...he stuck a pebble in my penis..." I heard those words spoken a couple nights ago while playing Destiny online. I was in a party chat, which to the layman is basically a way that people can all come together in an xbox app and talk through headsets while they do whatever. They can be in the same or different games, apps, etc. but be able to talk about whatever topics, jokes, or fetishes they want. Not only is it a way to escape random 12-year-olds from calling you a faggot while playing call of duty, but it's a way for your not-random friends to call you a faggot while playing or doing anything else on your xbox. The video game people have finally bridged the faggot barrier that existed outside of each individual match in any specific game. We can finally be called faggots the way we all wanted. No longer do we have to wait for the strange 12-year-olds to do it. Okay, I'm way off from where I started. That joke got a bit away from me.

Getting back to penis pebbles, I was in a party chat with a couple gamer friends of mine. Well, we'll say one of them is a friend, and the other is more of an acquaintance. I was invited to the chat shortly after logging on by the friend, mainly to see what was up. Plus, it actually makes the experience more enjoyable. We could all be playing completely different games, yet chatting about whatever we want. Of course, it helps connect people to specific games, but it's not necessary. In the case of the game Destiny, where we all met, it's a game that is constantly online. You're encouraged to constantly be playing with someone, though its not necessary. Anyway, the friend was playing the new Call of Duty game, while myself and the other guy joined up to play Destiny.

After about an hour or so of playing, the friend, (with the gamertag "Demise"), out of nowhere says, "hold on a sec. guys, I just found out a family member murdered someone." Both the acquaintance, (gamertag "Xus of Nexus") were a bit taken back, simply replying with various forms of "Holy shit" and the like. Shortly afterward, Demise returns and tells us what happened. Long story short, his gay uncle in an apparent emotional rage, smashed his partners face into a couch armrest repeatedly. He smashed his face until there was nothing left. That's some crazy shit. Over the next four days he unsuccessfully made several attempts to kill himself with pills. A friend stopped by and found the gruesome aftermath. I swear I'm not making any of this shit up, and it gets a bit weirder.

Now I don't know how exactly the subject evolved. I think Demise said something about not understanding what had just happened. How he can't comprehend getting to a point of murdering another human. He would have never thought this family member was capable of something like what had happened. My response was simply that "shit happens." Who knows the reason, but sometimes people let emotions take over and you can't explain the aftermath. They are situations that defy logic, so all attempts to make sense of them are futile. The only sense one can make out of something like this is to say that sometimes crazy things happen. Demise seemed on board with this explanation. Then, without warning, we took a huge detour into crazy-town.

Xus, (pronounced ex-us), chose to explain the situation by saying it was Satan, and we're not talking figuratively. Satan is behind all the evil shit in the world. Now before I continue, this statement came out of a low-energy, pot-smoking, jokes about abortions and catholic priests molesting little boys guy, who is nothing more than a voice in my ear. So the stakes are very low for me to pander to anyone. I do my best to get along with a lot of these people because, as I get older, I find as a general rule I enjoy getting along with people far more than I do fighting with them. Though I usually won't shy away from being honest. I simply replied to this claim of satan and evil being at work by saying I don't believe in any of that. Xus, on the other hand, started getting a bit more energetic. This was impressive because he wasn't more than 10 minutes out from very obviously and openly smoking a joint. He told us he was doing this, and it was happening in a speaker placed directly over my ear. He started talking about evil, the Illuminati, the CIA fueling the drug trade in this country, the Clinton's involvement, an up and coming documentary titled, "Don't Kill the Messenger", and a guy named Gary Webb. My response was simple, and very entertaining to Demise. I simply said, "That sounds pretty conspiracy-theorish to me." That was the wrong thing to say.
Xus went even more crazy. We made a left onto fucking-insane boulevard in theheart of crazy-town, (as if we were far from it before). Xus started speaking so fast I could barely keep up. He piled on even more crap on top of the shit-storm. This time it differed a bit because he tossed a few insults my way. He said I was completely ignorant of the world I live in and, like most americans, was actively not educating myself to the facts. He spat all of this in about 5 seconds. I was pretty impressed. Much to his dismay, I was not to be convinced however. He told me I needed to go do some research on Gary Webb. I then proceeded to throw gasoline on the fire by saying that I wasn't going to do any that. I simply didn't care. I had no motivation or desire to lie. Somehow, that made things worse. Who knew? Then we heard the line about how Xus was molested as a child. He told us how some older man shoved a "pebble in the hole in his penis." I'm not sure how that related to the topic at hand, but it must have. I mean, this whole topic made perfect sense, so naturally penis pebbles fit right in.


Shortly afterwards things calmed back down. We all continued gaming for another half-hour or so before Xus checked out for the night. I hold no hard feelings toward him, and we had moved on to other subjects of conversation before he left, (though the first few minutes afterwards were awkward to say the least). Once he was out of the party chat, Demise and I had some interesting things to talk about to say the least. Demise complimented how I handled the situation. He was worried things were going to get nasty in the chat. If I've learned one thing over the years it is that you usually can't argue with crazy. You're not going to get anywhere. Someone famous once said something pithy that I don't remember verbatim, but the idea is the most important. He basically said that you can't use logic to argue against a position that is illogical. True dat.

So I'll wrap up today's post by admitting to something. I wrote several days ago about the recent midterm elections, and how things probably won't change. What I want to admit is how I have actually been in a slight state of grief over the situation. I made it seem as if I wasn't too upset. That this probably wasn't a big deal, and things most-likely won't end in a doomsday apocalypse. I still believe this to be true, but I was definitely more upset about what happened than I led on. When I heard John Boehner, (that my spell check wants to accurately correct to "boner"), say about the President that "When you play with matches, then you take the risk of burning yourself, and he's going to burn himself..." I actually got a bit upset. Boehner, and the republicans, are taking this position of how the American people have spoken on election day. If you consider the voices from the lowest voter turnout since the 1940's representative of all Americans, then sure, those are the voices of the people. That's like saying your team won the game even though your opponent had only four players on the field the entire time. I guess what remains to be seen is how badly the republicans burn themselves for 2016. I see one of two things happening. The first thing is the republicans start making things much worse for this country and we get a lot more democrats back in 2016. The second scenario is the republicans make things a lot worse for this country, but slowly enough that more democrats aren't voted into office until 2018 or 2020. It's all a matter of how quickly they fuck things up.

TL;DR: Hearing crazy-talk so close to your ear is very strange. It's also a lot easier to hide an erection during an audio-only chat.

STL;DR: This whole post involves the mutterings of crazy people.

IHTASOAN; DR: Upon doing a mild amount of research, Gary Webb appears to be flat-out wrong about the CIA drug claims he was making. Also, it's not a documentary that is coming out about him. It's just a movie, plain and simple. Now for those of you going through penis withdrawal, take solace in the fact that this whole post was about penises, in a way.

knowing when to shut your face, the children's book we need

Apparently I have a racist cousin. Maybe he's a second cousin, or a third. I've honestly never understood how relative and family member positions break down. Once you get past regular aunts and uncles, it all falls apart in my head. He's the son of my cousin, I think. All of this completely matters or the story makes zero sense. Not really.
So the kid gets a bit of a pass because he grew up mildly rural. Maybe he shouldn't, but I suppose it's difficult not to be slightly racist when you're surrounded by mostly white people out in the country. It should be noted that the "country" here is an area that is under an hour away from a major metropolitan area, so it's not horribly isolated. Now he's not a relative that I have ever had a sit down conversation with, but I am friends with him on facebook. My first clue to some of his horrible opinions was a text picture he shared on facebook from a tea party page. The picture said the following:

"Like if you're more offended by the name Obama than you are of the name Redskins."

I wish I could find the picture. Maybe someone wised up and got rid of it. Either way I'm pretty sure I'm accurately remembering the message because, let's be honest, that's a fucking horrible thing to say. I have to say that I'm not condemning the kid by any means. I was a young, (and an old), college student once. Not only that, I feel that some of the thoughts and opinions I had a year ago were ignorant or wrong. I often hear the other side of an argument that I felt decently firm on, and end up changing my mind. I hope I'm able to live my entire life this way. As we age we get more rigid in our opinions and beliefs, perhaps because we're losing that rigidity in our penises. It has to go somewhere, right? I think it's called the Law of Conservation of Rigid Penises.

I'm have to take a small step back. I know I started off saying this kid is racist. The above quote doesn't necessarily make him racist, but it leans that way. To me, even if you aren't in a position to truly understand why something is considered offensive you should always realize that it could be considered offensive to someone else. We are faced with a lot of false outrage every day. I seems as if someone is always upset or offended by something. This makes it very easy to give many issues a general hand-waving dismissive treatment. "Oh, they're just being overly sensitive." "The name "Redskins" has been around for years and no one seemed that bothered by it." I bet no one asked any Native Americans what they thought about the name, but fuck those guys! This is not an issue! I haven't met a single, white, republican man who has a problem with the name, therefore it's totally acceptable! I digress.

So the "liking" of this post by my cousin(?) definitely threw up a red flag. He had only "liked" the post, which meant I was not able to comment on it. Both at the time, and even looking back, this is probably a good thing. Who knows what I would have said. Either way, it bothered the shit out of me. So why the fuck am I talking about this now you didn't ask? Well, because of this:







I apologize for the all the words. It's a chunk to read, but it's interesting, (to me at least). A few things should be noted. First, this is super mild and extremely short by comparison. If I get into a spirited Facebook comment discussion, they're often ten times as long. Second, my cousin does get some props here, though I'm not sure exactly how much the fact that I'm family factored into it. I'd like to think that he kept it more respectful because that is how he would approach the situation. The more-likely scenario is he kept it civil because we're related. His friends who chimed in are probably a bit more representative of how they all would have handled the challenge I presented. Of course, I'm also a bit guilty of some pandering. I would have been a bit more aggressive in my arguments, (though still very civil), had it not been a relative. I also had to set the an example. This is how civilized discussion works. I had a stronger than normal obligation to represent this once the girl chimed in with her rude and idiotic comments. It's always good policy to be kind, yet decently firm in your arguments online as a general rule. I'm guessing my cousin quickly messaged both of his friends to back off since I am family. I did not expect either of them to shut up so quickly.

So his post effectively demonstrates that my cousin is a bit racist, though he probably doesn't realize it. He's still a young college kid, 21 years old, with a lot to learn. Whether he learns it or not, who knows. He's going to West Virginia University studying Agribusiness. I have no idea who he is as a person. All I have to go on are the random posts that sometimes show up on my Facebook feed. I'm sure there are plenty of people I'm Facebook friends with that only get every tenth post of mine on their feed. They might have a very different perception of who I am and what I believe. They clearly have no idea what a sick bastard I am.

Of course I was also a different person just a short while ago. I know I made the joke about having a W.E.T. (white entertainment television) several years ago. I wasn't nearly as serious as the kid above. I was once a dumb kid, though. Eventually I realized that basically all other television is W.E.T. The last channel we need is W.E.T. I almost made that point, along with several others. I decided it wasn't worth it, instead opting for ending with the mild public shaming. I almost pointed out that the kid should actually look up the word "slavery". How a few instances of kidnapping are not congruent with slavery. I am assuming that's what he meant by his "enslavement" comment. The kidnapping and human trafficking perpetrated by any other race against a white person is in no way comparable to the enslavement on an entire race. I almost said a lot of things, but chose to shut up. I knew I was on borrowed time and my welcome would not last. I was not in the company of like-minded individuals. Hopefully, my cousin took something away from the conversation. On the plus side, most Facebook debates I get into result in the original poster, (the OP), deleting the entire post. So I got that going for me! This is usually out of frustration, most-likely with yours truly. I tend to aggravate people, though not for the reasons you might think. People often just get worn out through the debate, despite how friendly and high-spirited I try to keep things. Perhaps that's it. They're used to resorting to name-calling arguments. I don't engage people in that way, and they don't know how to deal with it. So in conclusion, where are all the dick jokes??!

TL;DR: Almost everything you say is racist, and I like to argue.

STL;DR: I'm taking a survey. If this post didn't have enough disgusting jokes, leave me a comment. One male boner means there weren't enough. Two female boners means there still weren't enough. Three dog boners is way too many boners.

IHTASOAN; DR: Boners.

excuse me, your flu is showing

I think I follow two whole tumblr blogs. I just haven't had the patience to look for any others. I thought tumblr was the more hip/popular blog medium to start a blog on. I suppose that's true, if my blog was mainly picture driven. Most of the blogs I've seen are just photos/pictures with a few words in them. Maybe it's just me but that seems a bit underwhelming. If I wanted to see mildly interesting pictures with pithy/funny half-sentences typed on them I'd surf the Reddit Pics app on my ipad. I suppose tumblr has it's place. I mirror this blog on blogger, (or mirror the blogger version here depending on my mood), in a mild effort hit an audience more interesting in reading long-form blogs. I mention this because one of the other tumblr blogs I follow posted this:



Now ignoring the Theraflu endorsement on the bottom, the graphic has some pretty good information. Almost everything here is stuff I've heard and already believed to be true. Well, I always heard it as "Starve a cold;  feed a fever" but I never put much stock in that saying regardless the word order. Your body needs fuel to fight an illness, so eating while sick seems logical in both cases. To me, what the graphic represents is thinking critically. It's pretty simple in it's construction, though the overall message may not be the most obvious to some. What the graphic should represent to everyone is how most of the stuff you may believe or have heard, (in this case about the flu, but overall), isn't true. Like men having multiple orgasms or a Kardashian with talent, those are rumors and myths with no real science to back them up. 

There are a couple large myths the graphic completely misses unfortunately. I've heard for years that whenever you get sick you should take vitamin C. Drink it, take a supplement, (orally or rectally), snort it, shoot it, sacrifice a goat over a bottle, whatever. My point is there is no evidence to back any of that up. Like many people, I've heard that taking vitamin C gives your immune system a "boost." This simply isn't true. Your immune system is not something you can "boost", and nor would you want to. Your immune system is a finely tuned machine. It is a balance. In my opinion, there are two thing you should never attempt to do. The first is try to boost your immune system. Just don't. The second is fisting. Seriously. Is that pleasurable for any of the parties involved? Go for something a little less extreme, like foot fetishes, or feltching.

What's the harm in giving it a boost you ask? If I'm sick, isn't my immune system already off balance? Well, I'll start address these questions that no one asked me by saying that first and foremost it is a complete myth that vitamin C does anything beneficial to your immune system. Unless, of course, you're at an unusually higher-risk for getting scurvy. Even if you're a pirate, taking vitamin C is not boosting your immune system. Vitamin C is essential for us to function properly, and our bodies cannot synthesize it by themselves. As long as you eat your fruits and vegetables you will get enough vitamin C. As for the second mysterious question I asked myself, it seems a false assumption that your immune system is "off balance". Even if a doctor would agree with that statement, (and some might), the assumption that you can use vitamin supplements, airborne, or whatever to boost it back to health is simply false. Just eat healthy and often, drink lots of fluids, and rest. Do the experiment yourself if you don't believe me. I never used to believe my mother all those years growing up, especially about the drinking fluids part. Eat. Rest. Drink, (not alcohol). I used to stay up and watch tv, play videogames, and generally not do those things.

One day, I decided to do all of those things. It was years later. I don't remember the details, but what I do remember was I really needed to get better as quickly as possible. So I constantly drank fluids all day. When I wasn't drinking something, (clear fluids according to my mother), or going to the bathroom from drinking so much, I was sleeping. I was almost completely cured in a day. I was feeling much better late into the evening of the same day actually. Obviously this is your run-of-the-mill anecdotal evidence with several possible influences. I could have not been overly sick to being with. I think I was quite sick that morning, but I could be misremembering the ordeal. Our memories are very plastic, and every time we remember something our brains are reconstructing the memory. This is why eyewitness testimony is so unreliable. It's also why you might reminisce about that crazy ex-girlfriend. She wasn't that crazy, right? Every girl gets emotional enough to burn off your ball hair with a lighter every now and again.

Either way my story has something else going for it. The fact that those are things that doctors and nurses, (my mother is a nurse), tell patients to do when they're sick. This fact gives my tale a bit more credibility. I know it's not always feasible to take a whole day to do nothing. Most people have lives and jobs and kids that they can't ignore for one whole day. I get that. Though it does mean that you're going to be sick for much longer. You'll be so much less efficient at your job. Overall, it's simply unhealthy. If only more workplaces understood that they'll probably lose way more productivity by encouraging employees to work through an illness than they would if they just stayed home for a day or two. Not only is that one employee less productive, but like a hot secretary with chlamydia, the potential to spread the illness through the office makes it exponentially less worth the trouble. But she's so hot, and my fantasy is to bang her on the copy machine!

TL;DR: If you wake up sick one morning, do the right thing and seek counseling.

STL;DR: Joke. Belch. Vomit.

IHTASOAN; DR: Every time I write that ridiculously stupid acronym, I have to say each word. I. Have. The. Attention. Span. Of. A. Nat. It'd be much easier to just commit the letters to memory. I refuse because it's a bad joke. I continue to use it because, belch.

My spell check wants me to change "fisting" to "foisting". You know, for all those instances where I needed to use the word "foist".

here we go

I’ve been saying that things will get worse before they get better. Well, I think I’ve said it to the one or two people that I outwardly converse with about some of these topics. If I spoke to more people I would have been saying it for awhile now. I feel this way for a variety of subjects. The anti-genetically modified organism(gmo) movement is currently ramping up in my opinion.  We’re already seeing a lot of people coming out against gmos, and many of them don’t even know what a gmo is.



This “naturalistic fallacy” is running rampant. This is the idea that things that are “natural” are better for you. It makes sense on the surface, but is completely ignorant of the science behind, well, the world. I bring this up because I believe the situation we find ourselves in regarding the anti-gmo movement will get worse before it gets better. If the gmo witch-hunt results in labeling, we could see a huge drop in the number of products that use gmos. This, in turn, will result in skyrocketing food prices. We’re already seeing this. It’s particularly a liberal movement, and it needs to die. Sure it’s good to use less pesticides and keep corporations honest when it comes to the food they produce. However the anti-gmo movement paints a movie-villian-like picture of some of these companies that does not exist in real life. At least not like they think it does. I did see a small ray of hope this morning in the form of a Colorado measure getting voted down by a significant margin. It would have required labeling, which again, is a bad thing. Link. Why is it bad you ask? Well, people are dumb, that’s why. On the surface, labeling sounds like a good thing. How can educating people and full disclosure be a bad thing? Well, because labeling is a deliberate attempt to undermine gmos. If you present the common, factually unequipped consumer with a choice between a gmo and a non-gmo, they will choose the non-gmo. It’s the naturalistic fallacy at work. People want to believe that because something is “natural” that is must be better, even though the science does not agree at all. At the same time, the word “natural” is a complete misnomer. It’s a marketing term that simply doesn’t mean anything. It’s a shit-show all around.

Another topic that has already gotten a bit worse, and is poised to continue this trend is the anti-vaccination movement. We’re already seeing outbreaks in the more liberal areas in the country of whooping cough, measles, etc. California is a huge offender, though Ohio had it’s own measles outbreak recently. Again, my non-existent psychic powers tell me that we will see more of these outbreaks before we see less of them. Unfortunately, I think that a lot more babies will end up dying of completely preventable diseases before people collectively get the wake-up call. I just saw the below picture this morning. It reflects the issue perfectly.

Now like anything on the internet, this could be bullshit. I default to this position 90% of the time. Okay, maybe more like 80%. At any rate, I’m willing to believe this phone snapshot because it’s a perfectly plausible situation. Of course there is a far greater likelihood that this parent’s child would get the flu over ebola, (I’m sure the statistics are hilarious). This makes the flu incredibly more dangerous to the child than ebola. People are stupid. Keep your life-saving vaccines out of my child, yet put your completely unnecessary gluten-free pancakes drowning in syrup inside them.

Now because humans like groups of three, the third example I’ll offer is American politics. This might go without saying for a lot of people. Of course there are many people out there that believe this republican sweep of the midterm elections yesterday is a good thing. I genuinely hope they’re right. Unfortunately I don’t believe in things simply because I hope they will happen. I look at the evidence and track records. The current republican track record is one of bad policies that don’t have the interests of the people in mind. They claim that giving tax breaks to corporations will result in more job creation thus helping the people. Never mind the fact that this has never happened, at least not in recent memory. Who cares that some of these massive corporations only create minimum wage jobs that only contribute to keeping many Americans below the poverty line. Some of these companies encourage their employees to take advantage of government programs for food stamps and health care. They get a huge tax break from our government, then they further burden the taxpayers by sending their employees back to the government for assistance. I could go on and on about this obviously, but I’ll spare everyone.

The fact remains that this situation is going to get worse before it gets better. That’s the theme of the post after all. We’ll probably see a republican president in the white house in a couple of years, (if the republicans can keep it in their pants between now and then, and not piss off all the people who just voted them into office). I do wholeheartedly hope they make this country better. I don’t want to see the republicans fail, because the ultimate loser will be our country. I want them to make the country a better place to live for everyone. The reality is that they haven’t given me any reason to believe this would ever happen under their rule. I think they needed another few slaps in the face. They needed to be humbled. They desperately need to understand that the values they hold and the things they believe, (or try to sell us into believing), are not acceptable. They need to fully realize that ignoring the needs of the majority of Americans is bad policy. Molding the country to fulfill the interests of the top 1% is simply bad policy. It’s pretty clear they never got that message. Honestly the only republican “value” I ever agreed with was more fiscal conservatism. Unfortunately this hasn’t been a “value” of theirs in a long time. Just look at our defense spending. Have I lost all two of my readers yet??

So get ready for more guns and more boots on the ground America! Prepare for more religion in our politics, and guns in our streets! Get ready to close more women’s clinics and fuck over the environment!  Let’s shove a fat one up those polar bear’s asses for a bit longer!

TL;DR: Are things really getting that much worse, or am I just more aware of them?

STL;DR: GMOs, vaccines, and republicans. The three things that give me a hardest erection, beside Kathy Lee Gifford.

IHTASOAN;DR: It’s actually not the end of the world. Things probably won’t get that bad. I look at the people who voted in some of these assholes like a teenage boy getting his first blowjob from an inexperienced girl. He thinks this is what he wants, however what he’s actually going to get is a scratchy tooth shower, all over his penis.