We need to raise the stakes for voting. By the time the elections roll around, people’s brain cells are so exhausted that they can’t be bothered. Unless you watch Fox News. Then you’re in a perpetual state of outrage. You have high blood pressure, erectile dysfunction, and a black, Muslim President from Kenya. Holy shit, I’d be constantly pissed off too if that was my reality, but mostly from the erectile dysfunction. That’d be awful. Okay, perhaps I wouldn’t be that pissed overall. Sure the limp penis would be terrible, but I’d like to think I’d have the sense to not believe everything I heard on television. I’d hope I wouldn’t believe most of that stuff simply by default. But it’s a NEWS station! Surely they wouldn’t lie! This blog post was paid for by citizens who vote for penises, because that’s what I think the guy in the above photo is voting for.
"So get out and vote motherfucker." That should be the slogan. "If you don’t vote, you’re a lazy piece of shit with a raging case of gonorrhea." "If you don’t vote, your penis will fall off and your breasts will shrivel up and die." "Only men with tiny penises don’t vote." "Only women with smelly, dried up vaginas stay home on election day." I need to be the fucking PR guy for voting. After that perhaps I’d tackle the "Got Milk" campaign. What a boring slogan. I’d make it, "Milk, drink it because it’s not watery semen." I’m not sure that would do milk any favors, but I bet that ad would go viral!
I’m not sure I’ve actually blogged about anything productive yet. Hell, my last two blog posts involved Taylor Swift and American Horror Story. Talk about the hard-hitting issues. I guess I’ll move onto something a bit less controversial, like assisted suicide. Why not?! One of the bigger stories making the rounds on social media, (which probably means it’s the exact opposite of a big story), is the story of Brittany Maynard. She’s the 29 year old woman who had terminal brain cancer.
The reason I wanted to talk about this is because of the conversation, (or argument), that it sparked. I’d be remiss in not saying right off the bat that around 75% of people seemed to understand and support Brittany’s decision to take her own life. Some of those 75% still disagreed with the decision, but they seemed compassionate and respectful. The other 25% were a lot less accepting instead opting for the narrative that it was god’s decision. Only god should decide when a person should die. That, or a murderer. So only god or a murderer should decide when you should die. My tolerance for reading Facebook comments is incredibly low today, so my observations are probably far from accurate. The impression I got was despite the levels of respect and understanding I just mentioned, it was closer to an even split on whether “right to life” is something that should be adopted in all states. I’m talking about the ability to die on your terms, specifically when facing a horrible death at the hands of a terminal illness.
It’s surprising to me that so many people think this decision lies with any god. People seem all to willing to believe that their god wants us to suffer simply because it’s his will. God wants to “challenge” us through our suffering. What a crock of shit. I just don’t understand this line of reasoning. I’m sure I’m guilty of formulating a straw-man argument here, but I have seen people posting very similar statements online. I’m not sure if they’re accurately representing the overall consensus, but it certainly follows what I understand the position to be. I’ve also seen some people put a ton of stock in prayer, and god’s healing abilities. This woman shouldn’t kill herself because god could still throw a hail mary pass in the final seconds of the game. This is despite a medical community that witnesses this never happening in basically 100% of cases. There have been scientific studies on the merits of prayer. To no surprise, there was no demonstrated effect to praying for someone’s health. If I remember right, the health of the prayer group in the study actually got slightly worse. They didn’t attribute the act of praying to the health decline, but rather I believe it was the group who knew they were being prayed for. The thinking was that because they knew people were praying for them, that they opted for less actual medical treatments and therefore got slightly worse. So you can keep praying for people, but just know that it has no effect, (unless you tell people you’re praying for them, then they might get slightly worse). Anyway to get back on point, I also saw people comment online “My mother was diagnosed and only 6 months to live, and that was 10 years ago!” Sure, I bet that anecdote describes exactly how that shit went down. I did see that actually posted on facebook, and I’m sure that person believes wholeheartedly that god stepped in and saved her mother.
I saw this same line of thinking in a post responding to a story about how a certain town/state government was removing certain things out of their children’s biology textbooks. I didn’t read the story, but mainly because I didn’t have to. I’ve heard the same tune before. The song is about how some overly conservative politicians or school board members don’t like some fact written in a textbook, usually when it refers to evolution. They then use their political power or influence to have the text changed or removed. As per usual, a comment caught my attention. To paraphrase, the comment was from a woman who stated that this was a good example for why we need to vote republicans out of office. I don’t disagree with this statement, though I would have amended it to say that this is why we need to get overt religion out of politics. We need to keep people with crazy ideas out of office. Republicans can be elected, however just don’t elect insanely religious republicans who run on outlandish policies. That goes for members of any political party.
Anyway, I mentioned the above comment because the replies to it were comprised of the same hand-waving crap I see all the time anymore. There were a handful of comments which basically said that both parties were bad. Chances are they were written by people who identify as republican. They are people who cannot defend the ridiculous position of the republicans in the story, yet can’t bring themselves to say that they agree. They try to save face by dismissing the whole system instead of acknowledging the issue. Those same people will continue to vote purely republican despite disagreeing with the idiots in the story. That is what politics have become. Choose your side and stick with it, despite the insane shit that come out of their mouths. I mean, that’s like a stranger telling you their going to cum all over your face, and you just stand there. It’s like saying, “Well, this might as well happen. That other stranger is probably just as bad so I might as well let this one blow a dirty load all over my face instead of doing anything about it. At least this stranger is a republican.” Okay, it’s not like that at all. Maybe it is. I just wanted to work another disgusting semen joke into today’s post.
So what’s the answer you ask? I’m not sure. My first response would be to not vote people into office that say or do crazy shit. To not believe everything you read or hear, and get your information from trustworthy sources. You know, those sources that aren’t controversial. Those sources that don’t have to remind you that they’re “Fair and Balanced.” I’d respond by telling people not to be selfish. Don’t only vote for people that will help you get your own way, and ignore the way that is more beneficial to more people. Actually learn about the issues. Don’t listen to someone elses version of them. You could do all of those things. Or you could just open your mouth.
TL;DR: We’re doomed I tell you! Unless you vote. Then we’re slightly less doomed.
STL;DR: If you think everyone needs to believe the religious crap you believe, you deserve a hot load in the eye.
IHTASOAN; DR: Who came up with the names for reproductive organs and other related paraphernalia? Penis? Semen? Vagina? Vulva? Phallus? Prophylactic? Rick Santorum?
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