This past week the trailer for the next installment of The Avengers was released, Age of Ultron. The writer/director is Joss Whedon. Joss, from my understanding, is one of the only third-generation writers working the the business today. His grandfather wrote for television. His father wrote for television, (the Golden Girls, among others). So naturally Joss writes for movies and television, and we are all extremely grateful for this. I really wish this guy would write a book about how to write, because the few quotes I’ve read from him say more to me about writing than any college course I’ve ever taken.
Of course I’ll probably screw the following Joss Whedon info up in one way or another, (like pretty-much every subject on this blog), but here goes. When talking about the Golden Girls, his father taught him that for every spoken joke on the show there were always three follow-up jokes. These took the form of the reactions from the other women in the group. This taught me that jokes aren’t just about the punchline, but the reactions to those punch lines. This is probably well known, but fuck if I knew that. Whedon is also very well known for killing off much-beloved characters, (R.I.P. Wash). He loves to make things dark, and he loves to make things funny. He likes to take movie clichés and turn them upside-down. “I’m going to show you something beautiful, everyone screaming for mercy. You want to protect the world, but you don’t want it to change. You’re all puppets tangled in strings.” That is a quote from Ultron in the upcoming Avengers movie, and it’s fucking poetry! Well, poetry for a goddamn nerdy jackass like myself. Of course I’m far from the only person painting my living-room ceiling in a juicy nerdgasm. Just mention the series “Firefly” in proper company and someone will inevitably shoot in your eye. The upside is you’d be in a room full of glasses-wearing geeks. Whedon-splooge activate! Alright, I think I hit my semen joke quota for this blog post.
For every beautifully written story or script, there are dozens of bland and uninteresting pieces. For every single masterpiece, there is a pile dogshit. This next example isn’t quite that bad, but it’s bad. I’m talking about the game Destiny. Why not use an example that almost everyone could relate to you ask? Well, I chose this because apparently my goal is to alienate as many readers as possible. All five of them. I like to live dangerously. I decided to mention Destiny because I’m spending a large amount of time playing the game. I also chose to mention it because the writing is so bad, and a lot of the voice-acting is terrible. The voice-actors aren't nobodies either. Almost the whole cast of Firefly reads for the game. Lance Reddick lends his voice to the project. Peter Dinklage has a starring role!
Now I don’t blame the actors completely for the bad voice-acting. Sometimes a horrible script cannot be saved even by the most oscar-winning actors, (still some of these actors really dropped the ball). This game cost 500 million dollars to make, and they skimped on the writing. The lead writer left the project, allegedly because of some shenanigans on the part of the developer. It shows. The story is riddled with vague mentions to “the darkness” and how the good guys were “forged in light.” There is literally a cutscene in the game where a character called “the speaker”(voice by Bill Nighy), responds to a question of what happened in the past with how he “could” tell you about it, but doesn’t. I recommend doing a quick internet search for bad lines from Destiny. You might get a laugh or two. If anything it would give you a much needed break from all that tentacle porn you’ve been looking up.
So I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the prosecution of a Pennsylvania teen a few weeks ago. I only recently heard about the follow-up to the story, otherwise I would have mentioned it sooner. The story was about a teen from Bedford, Pa. Before I go on, here is a photo of the victim.
I don’t know about you, but bad things come to mind when I see this pose. Now whether you think Jesus is preparing to receive forgiveness or a blessing, (from himself), this particular teen thought he was preparing to receive something else:
Is that what you were thinking? It’s totally what I was thinking. One thing that is great about this country, (or was), is the ability to say or think different things. We call it freedom of speech, and speech is not simply the words that come out of your mouth. Silent protests are a form of speech. A painting hanging in an art gallery can be considered speech. A teen simulating fellatio with a concrete likeness of Jesus Christ is a form of speech, (though the message may be distasteful to some). To this blogger, this particular message is hilarious. To a particular prosecutor in Bedford, Pa., the message is criminal. Let that sink in for a second. A teenager humping a statue is a criminal offense. What the fuck is wrong with some people.
Unsurprisingly, three Atheist groups came out in support of the teen once news broke of the charges. These groups were American Atheists, Pennsylvania Nonbelievers, and Truth Wins Out. This may not be surprising, though there was never any allusions about the teen’s religious beliefs. These groups were simply protesting the violation of the teen’s rights. It should also be noted that the church who owns the statue did not want the teen prosecuted for the act. No damage was done, and they were against punishing him. Clearly this is something the parents can deal with, and not the government. This didn’t matter. The jackass prosecutor, Bill Higgins, thought differently and prosecuted the teen. What a piece of shit. I’d make another semen joke here, but it might come off as a bit high-brow considering the subject.
TL;DR: Terrible writing sucks. Joss Whedon inspires boners in dorky men the world over. Sticking your penis close to statues of Jesus is criminal, even if Jesus was clearly asking for it. Did you see what he was wearing?! *cough* slut! *couch*
STL;DR: Has this joke gotten old yet?
IHTASOAN; DR: Semen.
"Make it dark, make it grim, make it tough, but then, for the love of god, tell a joke."
-Joss Whedon
Is it just me, or does censoring the photo make it way worse?
No comments:
Post a Comment