Halloween
has past us once again. Ghosts the country over are crawling back into
their crawl spaces, graves, movie screens, and dusty vaginas. I’m not
sure how many links I’ve seen to stories on Facebook for the “Top 10
haunted locations in America”, or similar stories. Newspapers and TV
shows have all had stories dedicated to ghastly subjects. Though one
thing I’ve noticed over the years is the massively unstated premise all
of these stories and tv shows operate under. They all assume the premise
that ghosts actually exist. Like Kim Kardashian’s celebrity status, it
is never even a question.
Assuming that ghosts exist without evidence would be like your doctor diagnosing you with cancer simply because you look “cancery.” In a way it could be considered circular reasoning. Someplace happens to look creepy, therefore ghosts must be in habitation. I should back up. I admit that I used to believe in ghosts. I believed in ghosts, aliens, and psychic powers. I believed in a lot of weird stuff. I believed in them well into my adult life. In fact, I’d love to still believe in those things. I believed in them not because I had ever witnessed anything to justify those beliefs, but rather because other people believe in them and claim to have seen them. I’d bet most of those people believe in ghosts despite never actually seeing one. Wait, what I meant to say was not MOST people, but ALL people who believe in these things have never seen actual ghosts. The reason this is true is because you can’t witness something that doesn’t exist. I don’t believe in these things because I believe in scientific evidence more. That is the bottom line. There simply is no credible evidence to support the existence of ghosts, (though I have to admit the occasional phantom anus tickle comes damn close).
So what about all the shitty pictures taken over the years? What about all the blurry photos and creepy figures seen in windows and dark hallways? What about those unexplainable orbs in my pictures??! Surely they’re not all bullshit! No, they’re all bullshit. All anyone needs to do is look at and examine the evidence, or lack thereof. I’m not sure if Ghost Hunters is still on television, but I know it probably lasted close to ten years or more. When did you ever hear a national news story about how the Ghost Hunters finally found evidence of actual ghosts? The answer is never. You never heard that story because that story never happened. Can you imagine the media shit-storm if irrefutable evidence of the existance of ghosts actually surfaced? That would be incredible! Unfortunately, the most exciting thing to happen in those shows was when one of the investigators felt a “tickle” on the back of their neck. I’d argue that my own personal tickle is way more worthy of a tv show.
So the point here is that most of these things have a logical explanation. There’s a reason that alleged ghosts are found in old buildings, houses, and anuses. They creek and echo. They’re full of dark corners and hallways. They’ve all been inhabited by creepy strangers at some point. They can expand to freakish sizes and accommodate large penises. These places have old loose floorboards and staircases. They have a history that is largely unknown to the rest of us. When we do hear a story about an old building, it’s often about how someone died there. It’s haunted because someone died, often violently, and their soul just refuses to move on. The reality is that we live in a world with a fuck-ton of people, (I’m pretty certain that is an actual unit of measurement). The odds are heavily in favor of several people dying in a building at any given time. It’s actually almost certain. If your house is over 100 years old, chance are someone died there. As for violent deaths, just ask anyone living in the ghetto of any American city. Shootings and stabbings happen everyday with people dying in old houses, though we only ever see ghosts in creepy turn-of-the-century clothing. Where are the ghosts representin’ their colors?? I think that last statement might have been racist. Where are the sister-fucking ghosts of the country? It’s all about balance.
Anyway, I get that it’s fun to believe in something a bit fantastical in the world. Ghosts and Aliens would add something to our world that sounds good in stories. Of course I would argue that there are plenty of things in our world that have plenty of evidence to support their existence, and they are just as exciting. Just watch the updated Cosmos series with Neil DeGrasse Tyson for several examples. I guess my point is that ghosts are a relic of an era where we didn’t understand much. There are many examples of this type of thinking in cultures the world over. Sometimes they can be scary, but like that anal tickle, sometimes they can be a little fun.
TL;DR: Ghosts are scary in the same way that believing in things that don’t exist are scary.
STL; DR: Blogging about ghosts isn’t as fun and blogging about anus tickles.
IHTASOAN;DR: How do you effectively scratch and anus tickle in public? Seriously. I don’t get them often, though when I do I can’t function. I mean, it’s like once a year, but dammit if it doesn’t become the sole focus of my world for however long it lasts.
Assuming that ghosts exist without evidence would be like your doctor diagnosing you with cancer simply because you look “cancery.” In a way it could be considered circular reasoning. Someplace happens to look creepy, therefore ghosts must be in habitation. I should back up. I admit that I used to believe in ghosts. I believed in ghosts, aliens, and psychic powers. I believed in a lot of weird stuff. I believed in them well into my adult life. In fact, I’d love to still believe in those things. I believed in them not because I had ever witnessed anything to justify those beliefs, but rather because other people believe in them and claim to have seen them. I’d bet most of those people believe in ghosts despite never actually seeing one. Wait, what I meant to say was not MOST people, but ALL people who believe in these things have never seen actual ghosts. The reason this is true is because you can’t witness something that doesn’t exist. I don’t believe in these things because I believe in scientific evidence more. That is the bottom line. There simply is no credible evidence to support the existence of ghosts, (though I have to admit the occasional phantom anus tickle comes damn close).
So what about all the shitty pictures taken over the years? What about all the blurry photos and creepy figures seen in windows and dark hallways? What about those unexplainable orbs in my pictures??! Surely they’re not all bullshit! No, they’re all bullshit. All anyone needs to do is look at and examine the evidence, or lack thereof. I’m not sure if Ghost Hunters is still on television, but I know it probably lasted close to ten years or more. When did you ever hear a national news story about how the Ghost Hunters finally found evidence of actual ghosts? The answer is never. You never heard that story because that story never happened. Can you imagine the media shit-storm if irrefutable evidence of the existance of ghosts actually surfaced? That would be incredible! Unfortunately, the most exciting thing to happen in those shows was when one of the investigators felt a “tickle” on the back of their neck. I’d argue that my own personal tickle is way more worthy of a tv show.
So the point here is that most of these things have a logical explanation. There’s a reason that alleged ghosts are found in old buildings, houses, and anuses. They creek and echo. They’re full of dark corners and hallways. They’ve all been inhabited by creepy strangers at some point. They can expand to freakish sizes and accommodate large penises. These places have old loose floorboards and staircases. They have a history that is largely unknown to the rest of us. When we do hear a story about an old building, it’s often about how someone died there. It’s haunted because someone died, often violently, and their soul just refuses to move on. The reality is that we live in a world with a fuck-ton of people, (I’m pretty certain that is an actual unit of measurement). The odds are heavily in favor of several people dying in a building at any given time. It’s actually almost certain. If your house is over 100 years old, chance are someone died there. As for violent deaths, just ask anyone living in the ghetto of any American city. Shootings and stabbings happen everyday with people dying in old houses, though we only ever see ghosts in creepy turn-of-the-century clothing. Where are the ghosts representin’ their colors?? I think that last statement might have been racist. Where are the sister-fucking ghosts of the country? It’s all about balance.
Anyway, I get that it’s fun to believe in something a bit fantastical in the world. Ghosts and Aliens would add something to our world that sounds good in stories. Of course I would argue that there are plenty of things in our world that have plenty of evidence to support their existence, and they are just as exciting. Just watch the updated Cosmos series with Neil DeGrasse Tyson for several examples. I guess my point is that ghosts are a relic of an era where we didn’t understand much. There are many examples of this type of thinking in cultures the world over. Sometimes they can be scary, but like that anal tickle, sometimes they can be a little fun.
TL;DR: Ghosts are scary in the same way that believing in things that don’t exist are scary.
STL; DR: Blogging about ghosts isn’t as fun and blogging about anus tickles.
IHTASOAN;DR: How do you effectively scratch and anus tickle in public? Seriously. I don’t get them often, though when I do I can’t function. I mean, it’s like once a year, but dammit if it doesn’t become the sole focus of my world for however long it lasts.
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