please help make the internet a biased sonofabitch

The President recently broke the internet when he posted a video asking the FCC to keep the internet neutral. We made an argument for the internet being classified as a utility, like your gas or electric. Apparently, this topic is one of the least understood on the internet and certain people have come out against it because, you know, fucking democrats.


For those of you who don't understand Net Neutrality, I'll try and put it in terms I would understand. I say terms that "I" would understand because I often need things explained in a more simpler way than the average person. I can be a dumb-ass like that sometimes. Anyway, the best way I can explain Net Neutrality is to say that it is currently how our internet is at this very moment in Novmeber of 2014. Everything you find on the internet is considered the same. This means that whether you are visiting a tiny blog like this one with zero traffic, or a site like Netflix who uses 80% of the current bandwidth, you can access both sites equally. This is the way the internet should be, but internet service providers, (ISPs), want to change this because, you know, fucking money.

IPSs have been trying to restrict access in a variety of ways for quite awhile now. It you remember over a year ago, sites like Google and Wikipedia went dark in protest of SOPA, which was a push by big companies to stop "copyright infringement", or so they claimed. It was really a push for some large companies to monetize every nook and cranny of the internet. If the SOPA or PIPA bills had passed, you could have been sued for that video you posted online of your cute toddler puking to the beat of a Taylor Swift song playing on the radio that you recorded with you cell phone. That was a mouthful. But yes, if any piece of copyrighted media was posted in any form on the internet, under SOPA or PIPA, you could have been issued a "cease and desist" order and/or fined. Good thing the bill didn't pass, but it wasn't for lack of trying in Congress.

Now, ISPs are attacking the internet in another way. To make matters worse, the FCC is headed by a former cable company man. It was very likely that he was going to allow these cable companys/ISPs to charge more money to sites that use more bandwidth. Is this all confusing yet? That'd be like the electric company charging more to use certain outlets in your house simply because you use them more than other outlets. The electric outlets in your living room are more expensive because you use them more. The other argument is that huge websites like Netflix could afford to pay more money for the higher speed/traffic lanes, while small companies couldn't afford to pay. The smaller sites would fail before they get off the ground. Of course this also means that bigger companies could pass a lot of that cost onto consumers. ISPs would charge consumers more for the faster lanes as well. So we all get screwed while the ISPs "make it rain" on themselves. Once the President came out in support of Net Neutrality, the dance of the jackasses began, starting with Ted Cruz. That guy is definitely one of the larger horses-asses in Congress right now. He's an idiot who represents a bunch of assholes, or so it seems. He likened the President's position to Obamacare because, you know, douche-baggery.
Ted Cruz made the claim that the support for Net Neutrality was the equivalent of big government injecting itself into the internet. He regurgitated the talking points of ISPs by saying it would "stifle innovation" and progress in the field. Of course this ignores how painfully slow the internet speeds in this country are compared to the rest of the developed world. We pay the most for our internet, and it is the slowest. Way to go America! Adding insult to injury are the various articles and blogs I've seen that agree with Ted Cruz's position. I've seen articles where idiots claim that Obama is in the pocket of the ISPs, and that's why he wants the internet classified as a utility. Are you fucking kidding me? These people either didn't watch the video Obama put out, or maybe they're not unlike me and often need things explained to them like a five-year-old. I'm not certain. What I can be sure of is what sets us clearly apart. If I don't fully understand an idea or concept, I do my goddamn homework. I actually have a strong desire to hear both sides from credible sources, (Ted Cruz does not count as credible, ever ever ever ever). Sometimes on polarized subjects I may take one position, then end up changing it after hearing another opinion I was previously unfamiliar with. That's what should happen when presented with facts and educated opinions. This is not one of those situations. Net Neutrality is a pretty objective thing.

At any rate, this put a lot more pressure on the chairman of the FCC. I'm not sure why Obama appointed Tom Wheeler as chairman in the first place as it seems like he has glaring conflicts of interest. As John Oliver's show put it, that's like hiring a child-eating dingo as your babysitter. Perhaps he wasn't paying attention when he made the appointment, though that explanation almost makes the situation worse. One sliver of hope I've witnessed on social media, has been in the comments sections on facebook. I realize that sentence makes no sense when you consider that comments sections usually play host to disgusting opinions from many horrible human begins, but I witnessed it none-the-less. I saw many people claim to identify as republican, but agree that the President is getting this right. The ratios of comments that are pro Net Neutrality vs. those against it are in decent favor of Obama's position. Of course I have seen some of that ratio erode as the story gained speed, but overall it seemed like a pretty solid lead. Let's hope it stays that way because, you know, testicles.

TL;DR: If you are against Net Neutrality, go jump off a bridge and improve the human race. I realize that's a bit of an extreme position.

STL;DR: I completely made up that bit about Netflix. I have no idea if they use 80% of the internet's bandwidth. I just know they use an insane amount.

IHTASOAN;DR: I guess I'll move the 60" flat screen to the guest bedroom, because, you know, cheaper electric and a locking door to watch 60" closeups of vaginas.

boobs, Texas textbooks, and completely appropriate pictures of Jesus

If Jesus was alive today, does anyone think he’d get caught in a dick pic scandal? I’d like to think he would. I’m not saying I’d want him to suffer through some greater indignity. I wouldn’t want him to suffer just for the sake of suffering. I just think, why not? That would make one hell of a headline you have to admit. The son of god’s cell phone was hijacked and the dick pics he claims to have taken in a moment of weakness were leaked. Maybe he’d claim he was taking them for his doctor. He was so busy on his book tour and didn’t have time to get an oddly shaped mole on his penis checked out. What was the title of his book you ask? “Jesus, the second Cumming.” Are all two readers offended yet?

I don’t really care either way. I actually just wanted to make any of the religious readers uncomfortable for a moment. Which statistically speaking, would be most of my readers. I’m not sure why that kind of humor is appealing to me. I guess I’m just a pretty big fan of humor that pushes a person’s comfort zone. If you’re offended by anything related to everyday life, you have an especially large target on your back. If you were outraged by Janet Jackson’s wardrobe malfunction, I think you should have to live out the rest of your days surrounding by gratuitous boobs. An alarm clock shaped like a pair of breasts should wake you up every morning. Every doorknob in your house should be molded after a different pornstar’s tit. Your morning coffee should dribble out of an erect nipple. You should have to endure all of this simply because you were offended by a piece of anatomy. What the hell started me on this topic? Well, there’s this:



It comes from a site I stumbled across that puts Jesus into a slew of everyday situations. LINK. I have no idea where I found the page. I often open things like this in a new tab where they sit for a week or more. Until this blog came along, I wouldn’t know what to do with posts like this. Part of me would want to link to them on facebook, but I usually think a bit better than to do that. Not because I don’t want to, but rather because it might be a bit more trouble than it’s worth. I mean, pretty much every person that knows me decently, knows how not religious I am. Though most people don’t know exactly how not religious I am, I don’t feel the need to broadcast it, (unless I’m asked directly of course). I get plenty of religious propaganda shoved in my face daily. The natural instinct would be to respond in-kind, but at this point in my life it’s not really worth it. Perhaps someday I’ll become some big activist, but until then I’ll be content to offend a handful of people in a blog that nobody reads. How’s that for ambition!

Oh yea, and there’s also this:



Google was fined $2000 for this photo taken by one of their street view cars in Canada. They were fined because the woman claimed she was caused a significant amount of embarrassment and emotional harm by the photo. Why you ask? Well obviously because you can see a decent amount of her cleavage. Never mind the fact she was sitting in full view of the public. Why a judge would agree to award someone like this compensation is beyond me. It completely flies in the face of all logic. Her cleavage has now been seen by a ridiculously large number of people because of the lawsuit. She’s caused herself way more emotional harm by filing the suit. Before she filed, maybe a few dozen people might have seen it. Time for some doorknob titties! KINK.

So the final topic I’ll write about and probably give the least amount of commentary on are school textbooks. PINK. The story is specifically about Texas school textbooks because Texas has a ridiculous amount of influence on what textbook manufacturers include in those books. Texas and California purchase so many textbooks in fact, that manufacturers will add or remove historically accurate items in lieu of whatever bullshit those state school boards want. Those school boards are typically staffed by very strong-minded creationists, (particularly in Texas), and they believe that public schools need more religion. Not any religion of course, because fuck Muslims, Jews, or any other religion that isn’t Christianity. If there’s anything that annoys me more than sticking your religious cock where is doesn’t belong, it’s cock-blocking all other religions in a country that prides itself on religious freedom.

Anyway, the story I linked to touches mainly on the controversy of how climate change is being reported in those textbooks. There are plenty of longstanding issues with how evolution is discussed in those books, among many other things. I highly recommend a documentary called The Revisionaries. It dives into the issue much more than I ever could.


The movie would make a great comedy, if it wasn’t real. “Somebody’s got to stand up to these experts!”

TL;DR: Was this post too offensive? Message me boob shots for “Yes”, dick pics for “No.”

STL;DR: Jesus would approve of this blog. He told me so.

IHTASOAN; DR: Perhaps I’ll tackle a more tame subject in the next post, like white people using the “N” word.

my milkshake brings all the conspiracy theorists to the yard

"...he stuck a pebble in my penis..." I heard those words spoken a couple nights ago while playing Destiny online. I was in a party chat, which to the layman is basically a way that people can all come together in an xbox app and talk through headsets while they do whatever. They can be in the same or different games, apps, etc. but be able to talk about whatever topics, jokes, or fetishes they want. Not only is it a way to escape random 12-year-olds from calling you a faggot while playing call of duty, but it's a way for your not-random friends to call you a faggot while playing or doing anything else on your xbox. The video game people have finally bridged the faggot barrier that existed outside of each individual match in any specific game. We can finally be called faggots the way we all wanted. No longer do we have to wait for the strange 12-year-olds to do it. Okay, I'm way off from where I started. That joke got a bit away from me.

Getting back to penis pebbles, I was in a party chat with a couple gamer friends of mine. Well, we'll say one of them is a friend, and the other is more of an acquaintance. I was invited to the chat shortly after logging on by the friend, mainly to see what was up. Plus, it actually makes the experience more enjoyable. We could all be playing completely different games, yet chatting about whatever we want. Of course, it helps connect people to specific games, but it's not necessary. In the case of the game Destiny, where we all met, it's a game that is constantly online. You're encouraged to constantly be playing with someone, though its not necessary. Anyway, the friend was playing the new Call of Duty game, while myself and the other guy joined up to play Destiny.

After about an hour or so of playing, the friend, (with the gamertag "Demise"), out of nowhere says, "hold on a sec. guys, I just found out a family member murdered someone." Both the acquaintance, (gamertag "Xus of Nexus") were a bit taken back, simply replying with various forms of "Holy shit" and the like. Shortly afterward, Demise returns and tells us what happened. Long story short, his gay uncle in an apparent emotional rage, smashed his partners face into a couch armrest repeatedly. He smashed his face until there was nothing left. That's some crazy shit. Over the next four days he unsuccessfully made several attempts to kill himself with pills. A friend stopped by and found the gruesome aftermath. I swear I'm not making any of this shit up, and it gets a bit weirder.

Now I don't know how exactly the subject evolved. I think Demise said something about not understanding what had just happened. How he can't comprehend getting to a point of murdering another human. He would have never thought this family member was capable of something like what had happened. My response was simply that "shit happens." Who knows the reason, but sometimes people let emotions take over and you can't explain the aftermath. They are situations that defy logic, so all attempts to make sense of them are futile. The only sense one can make out of something like this is to say that sometimes crazy things happen. Demise seemed on board with this explanation. Then, without warning, we took a huge detour into crazy-town.

Xus, (pronounced ex-us), chose to explain the situation by saying it was Satan, and we're not talking figuratively. Satan is behind all the evil shit in the world. Now before I continue, this statement came out of a low-energy, pot-smoking, jokes about abortions and catholic priests molesting little boys guy, who is nothing more than a voice in my ear. So the stakes are very low for me to pander to anyone. I do my best to get along with a lot of these people because, as I get older, I find as a general rule I enjoy getting along with people far more than I do fighting with them. Though I usually won't shy away from being honest. I simply replied to this claim of satan and evil being at work by saying I don't believe in any of that. Xus, on the other hand, started getting a bit more energetic. This was impressive because he wasn't more than 10 minutes out from very obviously and openly smoking a joint. He told us he was doing this, and it was happening in a speaker placed directly over my ear. He started talking about evil, the Illuminati, the CIA fueling the drug trade in this country, the Clinton's involvement, an up and coming documentary titled, "Don't Kill the Messenger", and a guy named Gary Webb. My response was simple, and very entertaining to Demise. I simply said, "That sounds pretty conspiracy-theorish to me." That was the wrong thing to say.
Xus went even more crazy. We made a left onto fucking-insane boulevard in theheart of crazy-town, (as if we were far from it before). Xus started speaking so fast I could barely keep up. He piled on even more crap on top of the shit-storm. This time it differed a bit because he tossed a few insults my way. He said I was completely ignorant of the world I live in and, like most americans, was actively not educating myself to the facts. He spat all of this in about 5 seconds. I was pretty impressed. Much to his dismay, I was not to be convinced however. He told me I needed to go do some research on Gary Webb. I then proceeded to throw gasoline on the fire by saying that I wasn't going to do any that. I simply didn't care. I had no motivation or desire to lie. Somehow, that made things worse. Who knew? Then we heard the line about how Xus was molested as a child. He told us how some older man shoved a "pebble in the hole in his penis." I'm not sure how that related to the topic at hand, but it must have. I mean, this whole topic made perfect sense, so naturally penis pebbles fit right in.


Shortly afterwards things calmed back down. We all continued gaming for another half-hour or so before Xus checked out for the night. I hold no hard feelings toward him, and we had moved on to other subjects of conversation before he left, (though the first few minutes afterwards were awkward to say the least). Once he was out of the party chat, Demise and I had some interesting things to talk about to say the least. Demise complimented how I handled the situation. He was worried things were going to get nasty in the chat. If I've learned one thing over the years it is that you usually can't argue with crazy. You're not going to get anywhere. Someone famous once said something pithy that I don't remember verbatim, but the idea is the most important. He basically said that you can't use logic to argue against a position that is illogical. True dat.

So I'll wrap up today's post by admitting to something. I wrote several days ago about the recent midterm elections, and how things probably won't change. What I want to admit is how I have actually been in a slight state of grief over the situation. I made it seem as if I wasn't too upset. That this probably wasn't a big deal, and things most-likely won't end in a doomsday apocalypse. I still believe this to be true, but I was definitely more upset about what happened than I led on. When I heard John Boehner, (that my spell check wants to accurately correct to "boner"), say about the President that "When you play with matches, then you take the risk of burning yourself, and he's going to burn himself..." I actually got a bit upset. Boehner, and the republicans, are taking this position of how the American people have spoken on election day. If you consider the voices from the lowest voter turnout since the 1940's representative of all Americans, then sure, those are the voices of the people. That's like saying your team won the game even though your opponent had only four players on the field the entire time. I guess what remains to be seen is how badly the republicans burn themselves for 2016. I see one of two things happening. The first thing is the republicans start making things much worse for this country and we get a lot more democrats back in 2016. The second scenario is the republicans make things a lot worse for this country, but slowly enough that more democrats aren't voted into office until 2018 or 2020. It's all a matter of how quickly they fuck things up.

TL;DR: Hearing crazy-talk so close to your ear is very strange. It's also a lot easier to hide an erection during an audio-only chat.

STL;DR: This whole post involves the mutterings of crazy people.

IHTASOAN; DR: Upon doing a mild amount of research, Gary Webb appears to be flat-out wrong about the CIA drug claims he was making. Also, it's not a documentary that is coming out about him. It's just a movie, plain and simple. Now for those of you going through penis withdrawal, take solace in the fact that this whole post was about penises, in a way.

knowing when to shut your face, the children's book we need

Apparently I have a racist cousin. Maybe he's a second cousin, or a third. I've honestly never understood how relative and family member positions break down. Once you get past regular aunts and uncles, it all falls apart in my head. He's the son of my cousin, I think. All of this completely matters or the story makes zero sense. Not really.
So the kid gets a bit of a pass because he grew up mildly rural. Maybe he shouldn't, but I suppose it's difficult not to be slightly racist when you're surrounded by mostly white people out in the country. It should be noted that the "country" here is an area that is under an hour away from a major metropolitan area, so it's not horribly isolated. Now he's not a relative that I have ever had a sit down conversation with, but I am friends with him on facebook. My first clue to some of his horrible opinions was a text picture he shared on facebook from a tea party page. The picture said the following:

"Like if you're more offended by the name Obama than you are of the name Redskins."

I wish I could find the picture. Maybe someone wised up and got rid of it. Either way I'm pretty sure I'm accurately remembering the message because, let's be honest, that's a fucking horrible thing to say. I have to say that I'm not condemning the kid by any means. I was a young, (and an old), college student once. Not only that, I feel that some of the thoughts and opinions I had a year ago were ignorant or wrong. I often hear the other side of an argument that I felt decently firm on, and end up changing my mind. I hope I'm able to live my entire life this way. As we age we get more rigid in our opinions and beliefs, perhaps because we're losing that rigidity in our penises. It has to go somewhere, right? I think it's called the Law of Conservation of Rigid Penises.

I'm have to take a small step back. I know I started off saying this kid is racist. The above quote doesn't necessarily make him racist, but it leans that way. To me, even if you aren't in a position to truly understand why something is considered offensive you should always realize that it could be considered offensive to someone else. We are faced with a lot of false outrage every day. I seems as if someone is always upset or offended by something. This makes it very easy to give many issues a general hand-waving dismissive treatment. "Oh, they're just being overly sensitive." "The name "Redskins" has been around for years and no one seemed that bothered by it." I bet no one asked any Native Americans what they thought about the name, but fuck those guys! This is not an issue! I haven't met a single, white, republican man who has a problem with the name, therefore it's totally acceptable! I digress.

So the "liking" of this post by my cousin(?) definitely threw up a red flag. He had only "liked" the post, which meant I was not able to comment on it. Both at the time, and even looking back, this is probably a good thing. Who knows what I would have said. Either way, it bothered the shit out of me. So why the fuck am I talking about this now you didn't ask? Well, because of this:







I apologize for the all the words. It's a chunk to read, but it's interesting, (to me at least). A few things should be noted. First, this is super mild and extremely short by comparison. If I get into a spirited Facebook comment discussion, they're often ten times as long. Second, my cousin does get some props here, though I'm not sure exactly how much the fact that I'm family factored into it. I'd like to think that he kept it more respectful because that is how he would approach the situation. The more-likely scenario is he kept it civil because we're related. His friends who chimed in are probably a bit more representative of how they all would have handled the challenge I presented. Of course, I'm also a bit guilty of some pandering. I would have been a bit more aggressive in my arguments, (though still very civil), had it not been a relative. I also had to set the an example. This is how civilized discussion works. I had a stronger than normal obligation to represent this once the girl chimed in with her rude and idiotic comments. It's always good policy to be kind, yet decently firm in your arguments online as a general rule. I'm guessing my cousin quickly messaged both of his friends to back off since I am family. I did not expect either of them to shut up so quickly.

So his post effectively demonstrates that my cousin is a bit racist, though he probably doesn't realize it. He's still a young college kid, 21 years old, with a lot to learn. Whether he learns it or not, who knows. He's going to West Virginia University studying Agribusiness. I have no idea who he is as a person. All I have to go on are the random posts that sometimes show up on my Facebook feed. I'm sure there are plenty of people I'm Facebook friends with that only get every tenth post of mine on their feed. They might have a very different perception of who I am and what I believe. They clearly have no idea what a sick bastard I am.

Of course I was also a different person just a short while ago. I know I made the joke about having a W.E.T. (white entertainment television) several years ago. I wasn't nearly as serious as the kid above. I was once a dumb kid, though. Eventually I realized that basically all other television is W.E.T. The last channel we need is W.E.T. I almost made that point, along with several others. I decided it wasn't worth it, instead opting for ending with the mild public shaming. I almost pointed out that the kid should actually look up the word "slavery". How a few instances of kidnapping are not congruent with slavery. I am assuming that's what he meant by his "enslavement" comment. The kidnapping and human trafficking perpetrated by any other race against a white person is in no way comparable to the enslavement on an entire race. I almost said a lot of things, but chose to shut up. I knew I was on borrowed time and my welcome would not last. I was not in the company of like-minded individuals. Hopefully, my cousin took something away from the conversation. On the plus side, most Facebook debates I get into result in the original poster, (the OP), deleting the entire post. So I got that going for me! This is usually out of frustration, most-likely with yours truly. I tend to aggravate people, though not for the reasons you might think. People often just get worn out through the debate, despite how friendly and high-spirited I try to keep things. Perhaps that's it. They're used to resorting to name-calling arguments. I don't engage people in that way, and they don't know how to deal with it. So in conclusion, where are all the dick jokes??!

TL;DR: Almost everything you say is racist, and I like to argue.

STL;DR: I'm taking a survey. If this post didn't have enough disgusting jokes, leave me a comment. One male boner means there weren't enough. Two female boners means there still weren't enough. Three dog boners is way too many boners.

IHTASOAN; DR: Boners.

excuse me, your flu is showing

I think I follow two whole tumblr blogs. I just haven't had the patience to look for any others. I thought tumblr was the more hip/popular blog medium to start a blog on. I suppose that's true, if my blog was mainly picture driven. Most of the blogs I've seen are just photos/pictures with a few words in them. Maybe it's just me but that seems a bit underwhelming. If I wanted to see mildly interesting pictures with pithy/funny half-sentences typed on them I'd surf the Reddit Pics app on my ipad. I suppose tumblr has it's place. I mirror this blog on blogger, (or mirror the blogger version here depending on my mood), in a mild effort hit an audience more interesting in reading long-form blogs. I mention this because one of the other tumblr blogs I follow posted this:



Now ignoring the Theraflu endorsement on the bottom, the graphic has some pretty good information. Almost everything here is stuff I've heard and already believed to be true. Well, I always heard it as "Starve a cold;  feed a fever" but I never put much stock in that saying regardless the word order. Your body needs fuel to fight an illness, so eating while sick seems logical in both cases. To me, what the graphic represents is thinking critically. It's pretty simple in it's construction, though the overall message may not be the most obvious to some. What the graphic should represent to everyone is how most of the stuff you may believe or have heard, (in this case about the flu, but overall), isn't true. Like men having multiple orgasms or a Kardashian with talent, those are rumors and myths with no real science to back them up. 

There are a couple large myths the graphic completely misses unfortunately. I've heard for years that whenever you get sick you should take vitamin C. Drink it, take a supplement, (orally or rectally), snort it, shoot it, sacrifice a goat over a bottle, whatever. My point is there is no evidence to back any of that up. Like many people, I've heard that taking vitamin C gives your immune system a "boost." This simply isn't true. Your immune system is not something you can "boost", and nor would you want to. Your immune system is a finely tuned machine. It is a balance. In my opinion, there are two thing you should never attempt to do. The first is try to boost your immune system. Just don't. The second is fisting. Seriously. Is that pleasurable for any of the parties involved? Go for something a little less extreme, like foot fetishes, or feltching.

What's the harm in giving it a boost you ask? If I'm sick, isn't my immune system already off balance? Well, I'll start address these questions that no one asked me by saying that first and foremost it is a complete myth that vitamin C does anything beneficial to your immune system. Unless, of course, you're at an unusually higher-risk for getting scurvy. Even if you're a pirate, taking vitamin C is not boosting your immune system. Vitamin C is essential for us to function properly, and our bodies cannot synthesize it by themselves. As long as you eat your fruits and vegetables you will get enough vitamin C. As for the second mysterious question I asked myself, it seems a false assumption that your immune system is "off balance". Even if a doctor would agree with that statement, (and some might), the assumption that you can use vitamin supplements, airborne, or whatever to boost it back to health is simply false. Just eat healthy and often, drink lots of fluids, and rest. Do the experiment yourself if you don't believe me. I never used to believe my mother all those years growing up, especially about the drinking fluids part. Eat. Rest. Drink, (not alcohol). I used to stay up and watch tv, play videogames, and generally not do those things.

One day, I decided to do all of those things. It was years later. I don't remember the details, but what I do remember was I really needed to get better as quickly as possible. So I constantly drank fluids all day. When I wasn't drinking something, (clear fluids according to my mother), or going to the bathroom from drinking so much, I was sleeping. I was almost completely cured in a day. I was feeling much better late into the evening of the same day actually. Obviously this is your run-of-the-mill anecdotal evidence with several possible influences. I could have not been overly sick to being with. I think I was quite sick that morning, but I could be misremembering the ordeal. Our memories are very plastic, and every time we remember something our brains are reconstructing the memory. This is why eyewitness testimony is so unreliable. It's also why you might reminisce about that crazy ex-girlfriend. She wasn't that crazy, right? Every girl gets emotional enough to burn off your ball hair with a lighter every now and again.

Either way my story has something else going for it. The fact that those are things that doctors and nurses, (my mother is a nurse), tell patients to do when they're sick. This fact gives my tale a bit more credibility. I know it's not always feasible to take a whole day to do nothing. Most people have lives and jobs and kids that they can't ignore for one whole day. I get that. Though it does mean that you're going to be sick for much longer. You'll be so much less efficient at your job. Overall, it's simply unhealthy. If only more workplaces understood that they'll probably lose way more productivity by encouraging employees to work through an illness than they would if they just stayed home for a day or two. Not only is that one employee less productive, but like a hot secretary with chlamydia, the potential to spread the illness through the office makes it exponentially less worth the trouble. But she's so hot, and my fantasy is to bang her on the copy machine!

TL;DR: If you wake up sick one morning, do the right thing and seek counseling.

STL;DR: Joke. Belch. Vomit.

IHTASOAN; DR: Every time I write that ridiculously stupid acronym, I have to say each word. I. Have. The. Attention. Span. Of. A. Nat. It'd be much easier to just commit the letters to memory. I refuse because it's a bad joke. I continue to use it because, belch.

My spell check wants me to change "fisting" to "foisting". You know, for all those instances where I needed to use the word "foist".

here we go

I’ve been saying that things will get worse before they get better. Well, I think I’ve said it to the one or two people that I outwardly converse with about some of these topics. If I spoke to more people I would have been saying it for awhile now. I feel this way for a variety of subjects. The anti-genetically modified organism(gmo) movement is currently ramping up in my opinion.  We’re already seeing a lot of people coming out against gmos, and many of them don’t even know what a gmo is.



This “naturalistic fallacy” is running rampant. This is the idea that things that are “natural” are better for you. It makes sense on the surface, but is completely ignorant of the science behind, well, the world. I bring this up because I believe the situation we find ourselves in regarding the anti-gmo movement will get worse before it gets better. If the gmo witch-hunt results in labeling, we could see a huge drop in the number of products that use gmos. This, in turn, will result in skyrocketing food prices. We’re already seeing this. It’s particularly a liberal movement, and it needs to die. Sure it’s good to use less pesticides and keep corporations honest when it comes to the food they produce. However the anti-gmo movement paints a movie-villian-like picture of some of these companies that does not exist in real life. At least not like they think it does. I did see a small ray of hope this morning in the form of a Colorado measure getting voted down by a significant margin. It would have required labeling, which again, is a bad thing. Link. Why is it bad you ask? Well, people are dumb, that’s why. On the surface, labeling sounds like a good thing. How can educating people and full disclosure be a bad thing? Well, because labeling is a deliberate attempt to undermine gmos. If you present the common, factually unequipped consumer with a choice between a gmo and a non-gmo, they will choose the non-gmo. It’s the naturalistic fallacy at work. People want to believe that because something is “natural” that is must be better, even though the science does not agree at all. At the same time, the word “natural” is a complete misnomer. It’s a marketing term that simply doesn’t mean anything. It’s a shit-show all around.

Another topic that has already gotten a bit worse, and is poised to continue this trend is the anti-vaccination movement. We’re already seeing outbreaks in the more liberal areas in the country of whooping cough, measles, etc. California is a huge offender, though Ohio had it’s own measles outbreak recently. Again, my non-existent psychic powers tell me that we will see more of these outbreaks before we see less of them. Unfortunately, I think that a lot more babies will end up dying of completely preventable diseases before people collectively get the wake-up call. I just saw the below picture this morning. It reflects the issue perfectly.

Now like anything on the internet, this could be bullshit. I default to this position 90% of the time. Okay, maybe more like 80%. At any rate, I’m willing to believe this phone snapshot because it’s a perfectly plausible situation. Of course there is a far greater likelihood that this parent’s child would get the flu over ebola, (I’m sure the statistics are hilarious). This makes the flu incredibly more dangerous to the child than ebola. People are stupid. Keep your life-saving vaccines out of my child, yet put your completely unnecessary gluten-free pancakes drowning in syrup inside them.

Now because humans like groups of three, the third example I’ll offer is American politics. This might go without saying for a lot of people. Of course there are many people out there that believe this republican sweep of the midterm elections yesterday is a good thing. I genuinely hope they’re right. Unfortunately I don’t believe in things simply because I hope they will happen. I look at the evidence and track records. The current republican track record is one of bad policies that don’t have the interests of the people in mind. They claim that giving tax breaks to corporations will result in more job creation thus helping the people. Never mind the fact that this has never happened, at least not in recent memory. Who cares that some of these massive corporations only create minimum wage jobs that only contribute to keeping many Americans below the poverty line. Some of these companies encourage their employees to take advantage of government programs for food stamps and health care. They get a huge tax break from our government, then they further burden the taxpayers by sending their employees back to the government for assistance. I could go on and on about this obviously, but I’ll spare everyone.

The fact remains that this situation is going to get worse before it gets better. That’s the theme of the post after all. We’ll probably see a republican president in the white house in a couple of years, (if the republicans can keep it in their pants between now and then, and not piss off all the people who just voted them into office). I do wholeheartedly hope they make this country better. I don’t want to see the republicans fail, because the ultimate loser will be our country. I want them to make the country a better place to live for everyone. The reality is that they haven’t given me any reason to believe this would ever happen under their rule. I think they needed another few slaps in the face. They needed to be humbled. They desperately need to understand that the values they hold and the things they believe, (or try to sell us into believing), are not acceptable. They need to fully realize that ignoring the needs of the majority of Americans is bad policy. Molding the country to fulfill the interests of the top 1% is simply bad policy. It’s pretty clear they never got that message. Honestly the only republican “value” I ever agreed with was more fiscal conservatism. Unfortunately this hasn’t been a “value” of theirs in a long time. Just look at our defense spending. Have I lost all two of my readers yet??

So get ready for more guns and more boots on the ground America! Prepare for more religion in our politics, and guns in our streets! Get ready to close more women’s clinics and fuck over the environment!  Let’s shove a fat one up those polar bear’s asses for a bit longer!

TL;DR: Are things really getting that much worse, or am I just more aware of them?

STL;DR: GMOs, vaccines, and republicans. The three things that give me a hardest erection, beside Kathy Lee Gifford.

IHTASOAN;DR: It’s actually not the end of the world. Things probably won’t get that bad. I look at the people who voted in some of these assholes like a teenage boy getting his first blowjob from an inexperienced girl. He thinks this is what he wants, however what he’s actually going to get is a scratchy tooth shower, all over his penis.

I think we should talk about voting, because that's fun, right?

You know what’s fun? Talking about voting. Hey everyone, I voted today. Look at my sticker! I’m an American. I’m a pleasure myself one to three times a day, drinking 10 to 15 carbonated drinks daily, eating something prepared in less than two minutes and drowning in salt, staying in and watching TV all night, American. Oh, don’t forget to post on social media about one or all of those things hourly, or else you aren’t a true American. Be careful not to offend anyone though, cause’ they’ll de-friend your ass! Ugh. I had a lot more witty things to say, but the blog site decided to take me away from the page again randomly, deleting everything I wrote. First world problems I suppose, but damnit that is annoying as piss.



We need to raise the stakes for voting. By the time the elections roll around, people’s brain cells are so exhausted that they can’t be bothered. Unless you watch Fox News. Then you’re in a perpetual state of outrage. You have high blood pressure, erectile dysfunction, and a black, Muslim President from Kenya. Holy shit, I’d be constantly pissed off too if that was my reality, but mostly from the erectile dysfunction. That’d be awful. Okay, perhaps I wouldn’t be that pissed overall. Sure the limp penis would be terrible, but I’d like to think I’d have the sense to not believe everything I heard on television. I’d hope I wouldn’t believe most of that stuff simply by default. But it’s a NEWS station! Surely they wouldn’t lie! This blog post was paid for by citizens who vote for penises, because that’s what I think the guy in the above photo is voting for.

"So get out and vote motherfucker." That should be the slogan. "If you don’t vote, you’re a lazy piece of shit with a raging case of gonorrhea." "If you don’t vote, your penis will fall off and your breasts will shrivel up and die." "Only men with tiny penises don’t vote." "Only women with smelly, dried up vaginas stay home on election day." I need to be the fucking PR guy for voting. After that perhaps I’d tackle the "Got Milk" campaign. What a boring slogan. I’d make it, "Milk, drink it because it’s not watery semen." I’m not sure that would do milk any favors, but I bet that ad would go viral!
I’m not sure I’ve actually blogged about anything productive yet. Hell, my last two blog posts involved Taylor Swift and American Horror Story. Talk about the hard-hitting issues. I guess I’ll move onto something a bit less controversial, like assisted suicide. Why not?! One of the bigger stories making the rounds on social media, (which probably means it’s the exact opposite of a big story), is the story of Brittany Maynard. She’s the 29 year old woman who had terminal brain cancer.



The reason I wanted to talk about this is because of the conversation, (or argument), that it sparked. I’d be remiss in not saying right off the bat that around 75% of people seemed to understand and support Brittany’s decision to take her own life. Some of those 75% still disagreed with the decision, but they seemed compassionate and respectful. The other 25% were a lot less accepting instead opting for the narrative that it was god’s decision. Only god should decide when a person should die. That, or a murderer. So only god or a murderer should decide when you should die. My tolerance for reading Facebook comments is incredibly low today, so my observations are probably far from accurate. The impression I got was despite the levels of respect and understanding I just mentioned, it was closer to an even split on whether “right to life” is something that should be adopted in all states. I’m talking about the ability to die on your terms, specifically when facing a horrible death at the hands of a terminal illness.

It’s surprising to me that so many people think this decision lies with any god. People seem all to willing to believe that their god wants us to suffer simply because it’s his will. God wants to “challenge” us through our suffering. What a crock of shit. I just don’t understand this line of reasoning. I’m sure I’m guilty of formulating a straw-man argument here, but I have seen people posting very similar statements online. I’m not sure if they’re accurately representing the overall consensus, but it certainly follows what I understand the position to be. I’ve also seen some people put a ton of stock in prayer, and god’s healing abilities. This woman shouldn’t kill herself because god could still throw a hail mary pass in the final seconds of the game. This is despite a medical community that witnesses this never happening in basically 100% of cases. There have been scientific studies on the merits of prayer. To no surprise, there was no demonstrated effect to praying for someone’s health. If I remember right, the health of the prayer group in the study actually got slightly worse. They didn’t attribute the act of praying to the health decline, but rather I believe it was the group who knew they were being prayed for. The thinking was that because they knew people were praying for them, that they opted for less actual medical treatments and therefore got slightly worse. So you can keep praying for people, but just know that it has no effect, (unless you tell people you’re praying for them, then they might get slightly worse). Anyway to get back on point, I also saw people comment online “My mother was diagnosed and only 6 months to live, and that was 10 years ago!” Sure, I bet that anecdote describes exactly how that shit went down. I did see that actually posted on facebook, and I’m sure that person believes wholeheartedly that god stepped in and saved her mother.

I saw this same line of thinking in a post responding to a story about how a certain town/state government was removing certain things out of their children’s biology textbooks. I didn’t read the story, but mainly because I didn’t have to. I’ve heard the same tune before. The song is about how some overly conservative politicians or school board members don’t like some fact written in a textbook, usually when it refers to evolution. They then use their political power or influence to have the text changed or removed. As per usual, a comment caught my attention. To paraphrase, the comment was from a woman who stated that this was a good example for why we need to vote republicans out of office. I don’t disagree with this statement, though I would have amended it to say that this is why we need to get overt religion out of politics. We need to keep people with crazy ideas out of office. Republicans can be elected, however just don’t elect insanely religious republicans who run on outlandish policies. That goes for members of any political party.

Anyway, I mentioned the above comment because the replies to it were comprised of the same hand-waving crap I see all the time anymore. There were a handful of comments which basically said that both parties were bad. Chances are they were written by people who identify as republican. They are people who cannot defend the ridiculous position of the republicans in the story, yet can’t bring themselves to say that they agree. They try to save face by dismissing the whole system instead of acknowledging the issue. Those same people will continue to vote purely republican despite disagreeing with the idiots in the story. That is what politics have become. Choose your side and stick with it, despite the insane shit that come out of their mouths. I mean, that’s like a stranger telling you their going to cum all over your face, and you just stand there. It’s like saying, “Well, this might as well happen. That other stranger is probably just as bad so I might as well let this one blow a dirty load all over my face instead of doing anything about it. At least this stranger is a republican.” Okay, it’s not like that at all. Maybe it is. I just wanted to work another disgusting semen joke into today’s post.

So what’s the answer you ask? I’m not sure. My first response would be to not vote people into office that say or do crazy shit. To not believe everything you read or hear, and get your information from trustworthy sources. You know, those sources that aren’t controversial. Those sources that don’t have to remind you that they’re “Fair and Balanced.” I’d respond by telling people not to be selfish. Don’t only vote for people that will help you get your own way, and ignore the way that is more beneficial to more people. Actually learn about the issues. Don’t listen to someone elses version of them. You could do all of those things. Or you could just open your mouth.

TL;DR: We’re doomed I tell you! Unless you vote. Then we’re slightly less doomed.

STL;DR: If you think everyone needs to believe the religious crap you believe, you deserve a hot load in the eye.

IHTASOAN; DR: Who came up with the names for reproductive organs and other related paraphernalia? Penis? Semen? Vagina? Vulva? Phallus? Prophylactic? Rick Santorum?

tackling the tough issues

American Horror Story. We embarked on a slightly unintentional binge yesterday of the entire third season, Coven. I had been told the series was worth checking out, but I had mostly dismissed this. I didn’t have a huge interest in watching the series. Almost a year ago I watched the first episode of the the first season, and although it was definitely well put together, I wasn’t left feeling like I had to continue with the series. Looking back, I blame the main characters.




The first episode begins pretty strong. The cinematography is awesome, and the setting was great. It then moves on the family and characters that will dominate the storyline. To me, this is where the show loses steam. We have the infidelity on the part of the husband, the wife/mother who can’t get past it. Their teenage daughter is the most interesting out of the three of them. Pretty much every character outside of the main three in the family were responsible for keeping my attention. Don’t get me wrong, the first season is good overall, and the camerawork was on a level rarely seen in most movies, let alone television shows. As for the main characters, they have their moments. But like the skin on a set of old balls, the overall story felt stretched thin.

For anyone not familiar with the show, each season is a completely different story that is totally unrelated to the seasons that preceded. I had heard from a few people that the first season was really good, and the second got a bit weird. I decided to check it out after all of the Emmys the third season won. American Horror Story Coven and Fargo took home quite a few. I was team True Detective, and left the Emmys disappointed. This was mainly because that show is really fucking good, and Matthew Mcconaughey gives me a boner. I take that back, his performance gave me the boner. His looks only got me to a quarter chub. Maybe a third.

So the second season of AMS was definitely unexpected. I figured, like many people, the haunted house from the first season would be the staple. It took me a bit by surprise to see the second season completely deviating from usually welcome cliché. It’s difficult to not like a haunted house, especially considering they’re often the most interesting characters in scary movies. Anyway, a close second to the haunted house is the haunted/scary asylum, (the setting for season 2). Who doesn’t like an asylum for crazy people? I know I do! The third season is all about witches, which I admit, the thought wasn’t getting my motor running. I have to say that out of each season, the third is the only one I felt motivated to watch back to back. I’m not sure why. There were a few times where I watched two or three episodes of the second season back to back, but we didn’t binge watch the entire season that way, (like we did with season three). I suppose the overall story was pretty interesting to watch. You actively wanted to know how everything would unfold. Many of the characters were interesting, and the main story had a lot to offer. Am I still talking about American Horror Story? *Sigh* Yes.

So anyone who knows me pretty well probably knows that I own a decent number of books. In fact, I can fill a couple large bookshelves with all the books I own. You’d think I’m a well-read person, and in a lot of ways I suppose I am. I have read a decent number of books. I also read a lot of crap on the internet every day. The funny thing is I don’t feel like I’m nearly as well read as I should be. Out of the many books I own, I’ve probably read less than half. I have no idea why. I never enjoyed reading as a kid. I enjoy it as an adult, but more often than not it’s tough for me to sit down and focus. So often I will read a chapter of something and realize afterwards that I was daydreaming or thinking about other shit the entire time. I also feel like I’m a slow reader. I can read quickly if I want to, however if I really want to pick up all the details and subtleties in a text, I have to slow way down. My reading comprehension is at a minimum when I read closer to a normal person’s pace. At least that is the impression I get. Maybe people read slower than I think, I have no idea. Perhaps that’s why my lowest SAT and ACT scores were in reading comprehension. I was forced to read boring crap and was timed while doing it. Maybe I would have done better if I was given erotic stories from Hustler magazine to read, though it’s probably pretty difficult taking a test with a throbbing erection. Probably is the wrong word. It IS difficult.

The last big set of novels I read was the “Song of Ice and Fire” series. For the layman, that is the series the HBO show “Game of Thrones” is based on. The whole reason I decided to read them, (5 decently large books at the moment), was because I really wanted to know what happened after the second season. The third season was set to come out in three months at the time, so I set out on a quest to burn through almost all the books. I wanted to start at the beginning and work my way well past where the third season would end. Miraculously, I achieved that goal. I read over three-thousand dense pages in less than three months time, a major accomplishment for me. The book series hit a bit of a brick wall in the fourth book, and the last two novels took me another 6 months or so to finish, but I had accomplished something unheard of for me. Up until that point, I had mainly read Chuck Palahniuk. His novels are usually around 200 pages and aren’t overly dense. I could usually get through one in a couple months, sometimes more. Again, I just can’t bring myself to sit down and read them like I should. Speaking of which, if anyone stopped reading this post several paragraphs ago, call me Jack’s complete lack of surprise.

The whole reason I went into this was because like Brittany, I did it again. I bought yet another book despite all the unread novels currently sitting on my shelves. I bought “The World of Ice and Fire, the Untold History of Westeros.” It’s a beast of a book, and I plan on reading it right away. We’ll see if I actually finish it. I think I honestly like to own books more than I like to read them. I’m a strange motherfucker.

TL;DR: Skip today’s blog post. Seriously.

STL; DR: Reading is hard in a “it’s not hard at all” kind of way. There’s a joke in there somewhere about my penis.

IHTASOAN;DR: I could have worked so many erection jokes in this post. Wait, not “could have”, I SHOULD have. I should rename this blog “the snoozing penis.”

who the hell blogs on sunday?

I felt like writing something today, though I’m not quite sure what I wanted to talk about. Perhaps at some point I’ll have the reader base to make requests, though I’m not entirely sure who would want to hear my opinion on anything. I take that back. Everyone wants to know my stance on gay marriage and women’s reproductive rights. In the twilight series, am I team Edward or Jacob? Was Jesus gay??!

So I came across an article the other day regarding those brain-training games, namely Luminosity. I’ve see plenty of commercials for Luminosity in the past. Their claim is the games you play on their website or in their apps help to make you smarter in some way. The games use “neuroscience”, according to the company. To me, that sounds like bullshit. It’s not quite as bad as the newest buzz words you see like “all-natural” and “quantum”. Those words usually mean absolutely nothing in relation to products or self-help advice they provide. Your Lucky Charms are no more “all-natural” than they were twenty years ago. Here’s a quote from Mr. Deepak Chopra, bullshitter extraordinaire:

"Quantum healing is healing the bodymind from a quantum level. That means from a level which is not manifest at a sensory level. Our bodies ultimately are fields of information, intelligence and energy. Quantum healing involves a shift in the fields of energy information, so as to bring about a correction in an idea that has gone wrong. So quantum healing involves healing one mode of consciousness, mind, to bring about changes in another mode of consciousness, body."

What a giant load of shit. What the hell does that even mean? Chopra isn’t the only “quantum” offender, but he’s certainly the largest. Can you believe this asshole has made millions selling this ridiculous and nonsensical advice? Ugh. I hope he gets dick cancer.

Anyway, the reason I decided to write about Lumosity in particular was because off this article I saw last week: LINK. Up until this point I had never thought about Lumosity much. I had seen plenty of commercials and even downloaded the app to see what it was all about. Like most people I had no real reason to question the claims. I think that people in general default to trusting the information that is given to them. Unless that info is highly questionable, we approach things with a “why not?” attitude. I know I do. These brain games help exercise your brain. You’ll get a bit smarter by playing them. The brain is a muscle like anything else. These shoes will help you jump higher, run faster, and thrust more rhythmically!

I suppose I just need to exercise my skeptical chops a bit more. Fortunately I didn’t waste the ten dollars or whatever to buy the app. I only downloaded the free version, and probably only wasted an hour or so of my life on the app over the course of a couple weeks. I guess I feel fortunate in a lot of ways. I know there are way too many people who waste countless hours and hundreds to thousands of dollar on things like this. They waste time and money on vitamin and ginko biloba suppliments. They waste a ton of their lives on crap that doesn’t matter. So if I give up all these things than I’ll have way too much time on my hands. What on earth should I do? I have time and money to waste!!! Well might I suggest taking up kegel exercises? I started doing those a couple years ago. Let me tell you, my stream has never been stronger. Time. Well. Spent.

TL;DR: Brain games? More like suck games!

STL;DR: Deepak Chopra is full of shit.

IHTASOAN;DR: Do your Kegels!

(I realize for a blog of this name, I offer way too few cat pictures. Here’s another. Hopefully this appeases the internet gods.)

ghosts and hauntings and large cavities

Halloween has past us once again. Ghosts the country over are crawling back into their crawl spaces, graves, movie screens, and dusty vaginas. I’m not sure how many links I’ve seen to stories on Facebook for the “Top 10 haunted locations in America”, or similar stories. Newspapers and TV shows have all had stories dedicated to ghastly subjects. Though one thing I’ve noticed over the years is the massively unstated premise all of these stories and tv shows operate under. They all assume the premise that ghosts actually exist. Like Kim Kardashian’s celebrity status, it is never even a question.
Assuming that ghosts exist without evidence would be like your doctor diagnosing you with cancer simply because you look “cancery.” In a way it could be considered circular reasoning. Someplace happens to look creepy, therefore ghosts must be in habitation. I should back up. I admit that I used to believe in ghosts. I believed in ghosts, aliens, and psychic powers. I believed in a lot of weird stuff. I believed in them well into my adult life. In fact, I’d love to still believe in those things. I believed in them not because I had ever witnessed anything to justify those beliefs, but rather because other people believe in them and claim to have seen them. I’d bet most of those people believe in ghosts despite never actually seeing one. Wait, what I meant to say was not MOST people, but ALL people who believe in these things have never seen actual ghosts. The reason this is true is because you can’t witness something that doesn’t exist. I don’t believe in these things because I believe in scientific evidence more. That is the bottom line. There simply is no credible evidence to support the existence of ghosts, (though I have to admit the occasional phantom anus tickle comes damn close).

So what about all the shitty pictures taken over the years? What about all the blurry photos and creepy figures seen in windows and dark hallways? What about those unexplainable orbs in my pictures??! Surely they’re not all bullshit! No, they’re all bullshit. All anyone needs to do is look at and examine the evidence, or lack thereof. I’m not sure if Ghost Hunters is still on television, but I know it probably lasted close to ten years or more. When did you ever hear a national news story about how the Ghost Hunters finally found evidence of actual ghosts? The answer is never. You never heard that story because that story never happened. Can you imagine the media shit-storm if irrefutable evidence of the existance of ghosts actually surfaced? That would be incredible! Unfortunately, the most exciting thing to happen in those shows was when one of the investigators felt a “tickle” on the back of their neck. I’d argue that my own personal tickle is way more worthy of a tv show.

So the point here is that most of these things have a logical explanation. There’s a reason that alleged ghosts are found in old buildings, houses, and anuses. They creek and echo. They’re full of dark corners and hallways. They’ve all been inhabited by creepy strangers at some point. They can expand to freakish sizes and accommodate large penises. These places have old loose floorboards and staircases. They have a history that is largely unknown to the rest of us. When we do hear a story about an old building, it’s often about how someone died there. It’s haunted because someone died, often violently, and their soul just refuses to move on. The reality is that we live in a world with a fuck-ton of people, (I’m pretty certain that is an actual unit of measurement). The odds are heavily in favor of several people dying in a building at any given time. It’s actually almost certain. If your house is over 100 years old, chance are someone died there. As for violent deaths, just ask anyone living in the ghetto of any American city. Shootings and stabbings happen everyday with people dying in old houses, though we only ever see ghosts in creepy turn-of-the-century clothing. Where are the ghosts representin’ their colors?? I think that last statement might have been racist. Where are the sister-fucking ghosts of the country? It’s all about balance.

Anyway, I get that it’s fun to believe in something a bit fantastical in the world. Ghosts and Aliens would add something to our world that sounds good in stories. Of course I would argue that there are plenty of things in our world that have plenty of evidence to support their existence, and they are just as exciting. Just watch the updated Cosmos series with Neil DeGrasse Tyson for several examples. I guess my point is that ghosts are a relic of an era where we didn’t understand much. There are many examples of this type of thinking in cultures the world over. Sometimes they can be scary, but like that anal tickle, sometimes they can be a little fun.

TL;DR: Ghosts are scary in the same way that believing in things that don’t exist are scary.

STL; DR: Blogging about ghosts isn’t as fun and blogging about anus tickles.

IHTASOAN;DR: How do you effectively scratch and anus tickle in public? Seriously. I don’t get them often, though when I do I can’t function. I mean, it’s like once a year, but dammit if it doesn’t become the sole focus of my world for however long it lasts.