Thursday, November 6, 2014

excuse me, your flu is showing

I think I follow two whole tumblr blogs. I just haven't had the patience to look for any others. I thought tumblr was the more hip/popular blog medium to start a blog on. I suppose that's true, if my blog was mainly picture driven. Most of the blogs I've seen are just photos/pictures with a few words in them. Maybe it's just me but that seems a bit underwhelming. If I wanted to see mildly interesting pictures with pithy/funny half-sentences typed on them I'd surf the Reddit Pics app on my ipad. I suppose tumblr has it's place. I mirror this blog on blogger, (or mirror the blogger version here depending on my mood), in a mild effort hit an audience more interesting in reading long-form blogs. I mention this because one of the other tumblr blogs I follow posted this:



Now ignoring the Theraflu endorsement on the bottom, the graphic has some pretty good information. Almost everything here is stuff I've heard and already believed to be true. Well, I always heard it as "Starve a cold;  feed a fever" but I never put much stock in that saying regardless the word order. Your body needs fuel to fight an illness, so eating while sick seems logical in both cases. To me, what the graphic represents is thinking critically. It's pretty simple in it's construction, though the overall message may not be the most obvious to some. What the graphic should represent to everyone is how most of the stuff you may believe or have heard, (in this case about the flu, but overall), isn't true. Like men having multiple orgasms or a Kardashian with talent, those are rumors and myths with no real science to back them up. 

There are a couple large myths the graphic completely misses unfortunately. I've heard for years that whenever you get sick you should take vitamin C. Drink it, take a supplement, (orally or rectally), snort it, shoot it, sacrifice a goat over a bottle, whatever. My point is there is no evidence to back any of that up. Like many people, I've heard that taking vitamin C gives your immune system a "boost." This simply isn't true. Your immune system is not something you can "boost", and nor would you want to. Your immune system is a finely tuned machine. It is a balance. In my opinion, there are two thing you should never attempt to do. The first is try to boost your immune system. Just don't. The second is fisting. Seriously. Is that pleasurable for any of the parties involved? Go for something a little less extreme, like foot fetishes, or feltching.

What's the harm in giving it a boost you ask? If I'm sick, isn't my immune system already off balance? Well, I'll start address these questions that no one asked me by saying that first and foremost it is a complete myth that vitamin C does anything beneficial to your immune system. Unless, of course, you're at an unusually higher-risk for getting scurvy. Even if you're a pirate, taking vitamin C is not boosting your immune system. Vitamin C is essential for us to function properly, and our bodies cannot synthesize it by themselves. As long as you eat your fruits and vegetables you will get enough vitamin C. As for the second mysterious question I asked myself, it seems a false assumption that your immune system is "off balance". Even if a doctor would agree with that statement, (and some might), the assumption that you can use vitamin supplements, airborne, or whatever to boost it back to health is simply false. Just eat healthy and often, drink lots of fluids, and rest. Do the experiment yourself if you don't believe me. I never used to believe my mother all those years growing up, especially about the drinking fluids part. Eat. Rest. Drink, (not alcohol). I used to stay up and watch tv, play videogames, and generally not do those things.

One day, I decided to do all of those things. It was years later. I don't remember the details, but what I do remember was I really needed to get better as quickly as possible. So I constantly drank fluids all day. When I wasn't drinking something, (clear fluids according to my mother), or going to the bathroom from drinking so much, I was sleeping. I was almost completely cured in a day. I was feeling much better late into the evening of the same day actually. Obviously this is your run-of-the-mill anecdotal evidence with several possible influences. I could have not been overly sick to being with. I think I was quite sick that morning, but I could be misremembering the ordeal. Our memories are very plastic, and every time we remember something our brains are reconstructing the memory. This is why eyewitness testimony is so unreliable. It's also why you might reminisce about that crazy ex-girlfriend. She wasn't that crazy, right? Every girl gets emotional enough to burn off your ball hair with a lighter every now and again.

Either way my story has something else going for it. The fact that those are things that doctors and nurses, (my mother is a nurse), tell patients to do when they're sick. This fact gives my tale a bit more credibility. I know it's not always feasible to take a whole day to do nothing. Most people have lives and jobs and kids that they can't ignore for one whole day. I get that. Though it does mean that you're going to be sick for much longer. You'll be so much less efficient at your job. Overall, it's simply unhealthy. If only more workplaces understood that they'll probably lose way more productivity by encouraging employees to work through an illness than they would if they just stayed home for a day or two. Not only is that one employee less productive, but like a hot secretary with chlamydia, the potential to spread the illness through the office makes it exponentially less worth the trouble. But she's so hot, and my fantasy is to bang her on the copy machine!

TL;DR: If you wake up sick one morning, do the right thing and seek counseling.

STL;DR: Joke. Belch. Vomit.

IHTASOAN; DR: Every time I write that ridiculously stupid acronym, I have to say each word. I. Have. The. Attention. Span. Of. A. Nat. It'd be much easier to just commit the letters to memory. I refuse because it's a bad joke. I continue to use it because, belch.

My spell check wants me to change "fisting" to "foisting". You know, for all those instances where I needed to use the word "foist".

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