Like love, Ohio is a battlefield. I believe that's the lost verse in the song. Even during the mid-term elections, Ohio is bombarded with political ads. The governor's race is happening right now, though it's not much of a race because the democratic challenger took a tumble over the hard-hitting revelation that he didn't have a driver's license for several years. People focused on this ridiculously stupid fact, yet completely forgot the uproar our current governor caused when he tried to revoke the rights of teacher and police unions. Sad thing is, he's still doing it despite getting the public-vote smack-down. That asshole will now stay in office because of a goddamn driver's license. What the hell is happening. Now I have to admit, I often find myself just as susceptible to it all from time to time. I'll see a political ad talking about how big a piece of shit a certain candidate is and my first response is often to believe it. Oh, that candidate is apparently the worst human being on the planet, I certainly won't vote for that big jerkhead! Wait, the Voice audience voted off that clearly talented singer?! Justin Bieber has a sex tape??!
So the whole reason I brought this up was because that only more recently do I have another thought. That thought is to step back and tell myself that these ads are not trustworthy. Despite my minor bash of it the other day, I believe firmly in giving credit where it is due. Every now and then local news does get something right. My former employer did a great story on our local auditor's race, which pointed out how disparaging the ads the incumbent was running against his opponent were. Then in an interview with the incumbent where this was pointed out, we see him for the sizable douche that he is. He acknowledged the inaccuracies, yet stood completely behind the shitty ad. Guess who I'm not voting for? The point is that celebrities rarely have as large a penis as you'd think.
So yesterday I found myself in the ER with my wife. She got poked by a needle at work, (nevermind that both are nicknames for my penis and my sex life). For anyone who has never had to sit in a hospital ER waiting room, you quickly learn what thick, deeply penetrating human depression looks like. The ER waiting room is where happy thoughts and erections go to die, almost permanently. What I found even more sad than the general state of the waiting room, was what was playing on the only television there. My favorite network, Fox News, was tuned in. I almost choked to death on the irony. At least I was in the right place to almost die. I was in a room of people who most-likely weren't insured a couple of years ago. A room full of people ineligible for insurance because of their diabetes, heart conditions, and herpes. This room is representative of a small country whose employers keep them at part-time to avoid having to offer them benefits. I was knocking elbows with a population insured for the first time in years. The tragedy is that at least some of these people use Fox News as their exclusive source for information. The catastrophe is that those people want to repeal the Affordable Care Act because of what Fox News tells them. Worst. Twilight Zone. Episode. Ever.
TL;DR: Political ads are totally true and you should believe them all. In fact, as a general rule you should just believe everything you see on television all of the time. The Flintstones is based on historical fact. Real Sex is based off of the real-life sex lives of your mother and father at age eighty. They are doing it, and it's the hottest thing ever.
STL;DR: Holy shit wheelchairs have gotten huge.
IHTASOAN; DR: I really like jokes about penises.
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