lemon party

If I had a super power, it would probably be annoying people to the point of exhaustion. There is something about me that makes you want to delete your stupid facebook post. I’ve been told more than once I can be pretty persistent, though I’d prefer to call it “thorough.” Persistent is just a nice way to say I can be annoying as shit. Of course, when you contribute to the spread of ridiculous or horrible information to hundreds of people,  my opinion is that you deserve to get a little annoyed.

I must offer a disclaimer before I begin this story because, (surprise surprise), the person I’m speaking of deleted her Facebook post. Like everybody on the planet, I feel I often have a pretty good memory. The reality is that everyone often has a piss-poor memory. Every time we remember something, we change that memory. The brain isn’t a digital recorder that imprints exactly what it sees exactly the way it actually was. Our memories are plastic, constantly being remolded every time you recall them. Again, I digress.

So a couple weeks ago a facebook friend posted the below graphic.

When I see a graphic like this, I probably incorrectly assume that most people will see this and think, “Wow! That’s amazing! I never knew all this amazing stuff about lemons!” I have to admit, not that long ago I probably would have thought the same thing. I mean if someone took the time to make a graphic with this information surely it must be somewhat credible, right? This isn’t a political post, so no one is motivated to make stuff up or lie to me, etc. I mean, it’s not like the claims the graphic is making about lemons is fantastical, right? Right??!

So immediately upon reading this graphic I contributed my amazing and enlightening comment to the existing discussion. Under comments the likes of, “I do this everyday and it’s great!” and “I need to start doing this.” I added my thoughts. Again, because she deleted the post, I have to paraphrase…myself, if that’s possible. I said something like, “Why don’t they say lemon water will help fight crime and give you superpowers?” I know I said the claims being made were nonsense, because I remember the poster specifically telling me it was “not nonsense.” The only goal I had with that comment was simply to be a voice of reason in the wilderness. To make someone see the graphic for what it is. I didn’t think it was a stretch to point out the bullshit in a graphic that tells me lemons “Cleanses your system cancer”, (which is worded with the beauty and grace of someone who speaks English as a second language), and “helps fight viral infections.” I mean, don’t we put fucking lemons in every glass of crappy restaurant water? You’d think herpes and obesity would have gone the way of scurvy, or leprosy. Those diseases or ailments you rarely hear of anymore because it’s 2014, and we’re not supposed to be stupid.

At any rate, my comment was not received well. In her reply she fed me a personal anecdote about how her nutritionist told her to start doing this, and she definitely feels better after her morning cup of goddamn lemon water, (she didn’t say goddamn, though I wish she had). She freely admitted it hasn’t helped her cut out caffeine because she needs her morning cup of coffee. So basically she just told me that everything the graphic says is true, except the stuff that isn’t. Either way I tried to be courteous and keep it friendly. I told her that she’s a smart person, (probably smarter than me… which I actually did tell her), and that perhaps she lives a smart and healthy lifestyle already and THAT is perhaps why she feels better. I didn’t point out that her nutritionist is not a doctor and probably has zero scientific evidence or studies to back up these claims. In all honesty her nutritionist probably didn’t say lemon water does all of the things the graphic claims it does. Whoever made the graphic took a few liberties that even the website referenced at the bottom doesn’t mention, (mainly the two items I specifically addressed above, though most of the claims are dubious at best). I honestly tried to keep it friendly and threw in some self-deprecational humor to keep it light. Remember, my superpower dictates things will not end well.

So we went back and forth a bit where I attempt to point out the fallacies in the claims. I truly only want evidence to support them, and I hate seeing dumb stuff spread on the internet as fact. I can usually tell when the exchange is coming to an end when the original poster points out they are doing/saying these things on THEIR PAGE. Of course, I have to point out, (because I’m a dick), that it’s in a public forum on the internet, and it showed up on my feed. I ended my last comment with something like, “I’ll show myself out”, both to acknowledge how annoying I know I probably am, and to signify my exit. She then replies with “you can be so exhausting.” My favorite post, though, was written by her husband. The final post to the discussion said, “I don’t know who this Seth guy is, but he sounds like a douche bag.” She deleted the entire post shortly afterward. So I guess that means I… win?

TL;DR version: I hate when people post stupid crap on social media, which means I’ll probably die very soon, and very frustrated.

STL;DR version: Lemon parties are the best kind of parties.

IHTASOAN; DR version: Pseudoscience kills my erection.