inapropriate humor and vaccines

I sense a bit of pattern-recognition in the force. I feel like I have a knack for it, but in all honesty people in general are good at pattern-recognition. They’re too good at it in fact. Pattern recognition is why many conspiracy theories exist in the world. People see patterns emerging in places where they don’t exist. From the devil’s likeness in the smoke billowing out of the twin towers on 9/11, to the face of Jesus in your slice of toast, to the giant dong you thought you saw in that children’s book. We see patterns, (and dicks), everywhere.

I noticed two patterns today. The first, (and clearly the most important), is that despite only being four posts in, I’m writing a lot about shit I saw on facebook. Posts or comments or whatever from that book of face are already supplying me with a bit more material than it should. Though in my defense, I follow a lot of actual respectable news outlets on facebook. Or course my material isn’t coming from those places, but I digress. So I saw a post with a photo last night from a friend of mine. It was a photo of his Netflix screen where one of the recommendations after he watched “Bloodsport” was “Ernest Saves Christmas.” Despite the number of jokes one might come up with, or how amazingly sad the missed opportunity is of us never getting a Bloodsport / Ernest movie crossover, I held back a comment. Those that know me might think this is a very rare thing, but I honestly hold back quite a bit on facebook. Perhaps it’s my brain fighting with itself to remain slightly tactful on the internet. I may do it to maintain rapports and future relationships. I may do it to keep the chances that a future employer passes me up due to some ridiculously offensive social media post I made at a minimum. What I wanted to say was how Ernest movies are great for finger-banging girlfriends. Does that make me a bad person? Probably. I should have posted it, but changed “girlfriends” to “12-year-olds.”

So moving on to a slightly more important pattern I’m beginning to recognize, this one involves my favorite network, Fox News. Now I take issue with how almost all news is reported today, but Fox News holds a special place in my heart. I decided to talk a bit about this because of something posted again by the Skeptic’s Guide, (something that legitimately holds a special place in me, but less in my heart and more in my balls). The Skeptic’s Guide was giving some credibility to Fox News for a video. The Fox News host asked a few decent questions of a celebrity who admitted to not vaccinating her kid(s). Perhaps I should watch the video again. The host asked a couple decent questions but really didn’t hold her feet to the fire. She asked a few questions, but mostly let that chunky diarrhea spew unimpeded. There was also a comment made about anecdotes that I’m almost certain was lost on their general audience as a whole.

So what’s so impressive about recognizing how Fox News spews diarrhea all over your tv screen you ask? Well that’s not the pattern I see potentially emerging. What I see here is the beginning of a deliberate attempt by Fox News to selectively support causes they see as not threatening to their core values. I see them doing this in an effort to come off as credible to people other than tea-party seniors. The implications of a Fox News who supports vaccines and the science behind them, while denying the science behind evolution and climate change is disturbing to say the least. Sure it’d be great to see support for vaccines and the numbers of those vaccinated rise again, but not like this. At the same time, if the pattern I’m seeing is actually a thing, we’re in big trouble.

It is, of course, way too early to say something like this is actually happening. Two cases of Fox News doing something not completely horrible does not make a pattern, especially considering how Fox News really didn’t do anything noteworthy here. They didn’t take a stand or address the viewer and denounce the anti-vaccination movement like Shep Smith did regarding Ebola coverage. Perhaps that’s because the anti-vaccination movement doesn’t affect anyone’s bottom line, which to me is both an explanation for their lack of stance on the subject yet all the reason to wholeheartedly support it. Then again, it’s fucking Fox News, and deep down they hope you get dick cancer. I think that’s their new slogan. Maybe I should start a facebook petition page for that. To all the Fox News executives who are undoubtedly reading this, you should really change your slogan to the above. Your numbers would triple overnight!

TL;DR: I like offensive humor, and Fox News could get even scarier if they begin to selectively support noble causes.

STL;DR: Fox News comes out on the air as pro-pedophilia, with lubrication tips.

IHTASOAN; DR: Fox News wants to finger-bang your 12-year-old.

Video below, (holy crap I figured out how to embed!):